Old Habits Die Slowly
by Suuz-5-5
Summary: Four years spent in captivity. Things changed, things remained...
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes.**

_Prologue_

She loved her boyfriend with her entire heart and maybe even more than that. She knew he loved here too, but only with half of his heart. The other half loved another woman. He talked about her in his sleep and sometimes when he was awake. She could see the hurt and longing in his blue eyes when he spoke of her. And she could do nothing that would change that.

He would always love his Fern.

* * *

><p>The girl heard her cry at night. Sometimes the girl could hear her cry also during the day. But at night she cried for someone. Someone the girl had never met but she would like to know him. When she told the girl stories about him, she didn't cry. She always had a distant smile on her face, thinking about long ago. But at night she would cry again for the one she loved so much.<p>

The girl knew her mommy was crying for her blue-eyed daddy.

**TBC.**

**It's just a start. Tomorrow I'll post the first real chapter. I hope I made you curious for the story.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes.**

**So this is the real first chapter. I hope you enjoy it!**

_Chapter 1_

_**Learn**__ from yesterday, __**live **__for today, __**hope**__ for tomorrow_

I had to keep my eyes close. It was too hard to handle the bright light of the room. But I wanted to open my eyes. There was something strange going on. There was no more soft ticking of water drops falling on the stone floor. I could hear voices, male voices. I felt no hard cold floor but a soft mattress. Most important of all I didn't feel him. My hand was empty. I tried to open my eyes, wincing at the blinding light.

'Don't open your eyes, Miss,' a friendly female voice said, which I hadn't heard before. But there wasn't a female here.

'You're in the hospital,' the female voice told me and suddenly I felt tears streaming out of my eyes. The only thing I had stopped hoping for happened. They had found me. A hand was put gently on my shoulder and I opened my eyes again. The light had been dimmed and I could see the room where I was laying. My nurse had a friendly smile on her face.

'Hello,' she said. 'Are you feeling any pain? Do you need anything?' I turned my head and saw a glass of water. I pointed at it and the nurse handed it to me, putting the straw in my mouth. I loved the feeling of cold, fresh water in my mouth and throat. It had been so long since I had tasted that. The glass was empty too soon.

'You want more?' the nurse asked and I nodded. She filled the glass again and I drank some more. When I was finished, she put it back on the nightstand.

'Where am I?' I asked swallowing.

'You're in Chicago,' the nurse answered. 'You were brought in yesterday.'

'Where is Marty?' I asked worried and I wanted to get up to find him but the nurse pushed me down.

'He's in the next room,' she told me. 'You can probably see him in the afternoon. Right now NCIS is with him.' NCIS sounded familiar. It sounded so very familiar.

* * *

><p>It was weird to see him in full light. It felt like I saw him for the first time. His blond, messy hair and his beautiful blue eyes. I couldn't resist to touch his face. Touching him felt different than inside.<p>

'Marty,' I whispered and I leaned in for a kiss. When our lips touched it felt all familiar again. I knew those lips. I loved those lips. He held me in his arms like he had done so many times before. If I had closed my eyes in that moment, I would have been back.

'Can you believe it?' I whispered in his ear. 'It's all over…we're free.'

'I know,' he said slowly.

'Deeks…' a tall, dark man said when he walked into the room. 'Oh, sorry. I'll come back later.'

'Sam wait!' Marty said before Sam could walk away. I looked at the man. So this was Sam Hanna, the ex-SEAL. Marty let me go and I missed his arms. He walked to Sam and then turned to me.

'Sam, this is Lisa,' he introduced me. 'We spend those…four years together in the cell. Lisa, this is Sam.' I looked astonished at Marty for a moment before shaking Sam's hand. It had been four years? On the one side it had felt so much longer but on the other side so much shorter. Inside the cell there had been no time.

'Marty described you pretty well,' I said to Sam with a smile. 'Big, strong and bald. You can see you were a SEAL.' Sam started to laugh and I noticed a smile appearing on Marty's face. The same smile I had seen sometimes when he was telling stories.

'…to say?' I heard Marty asked and I got back into the conversation.

'Right…umm…I wanted to tell you that Monty is waiting for you in LA,' Sam answered. 'I took him in…' Monty, Marty's retired police dog.

'You love him, don't you?' Marty asked smiling. 'Admit it. He took a place in your heart when he saved your life.'

'He's a great dog,' Sam admitted. 'Nothing like his owner.' I decided to leave them alone. To have some time together. This was Marty's friend and after four years he had to do some catching up.

* * *

><p><em><strong>December 4 2011<strong>_

_I had pushed myself in the farthest corner from the door. I was shivering all over my body of fear. Fear for my life. It had been this one article that had put my life in danger. Someone should have warned me not to take on Sandros. But no one had been there to do so and if they had done it, I wouldn't have listen._

_The door was thrown open and I pressed myself against the wall, as much as I could. The wall scrapped my skin open but I had to disappear. A body …or better a person was thrown inside. He spit out some blood and he laid his head on the filthy floor. I watched him for a while until one of my sobs made him look up. He was looking directly at me._

'_Did he hurt you much?' I asked him softly, not knowing what to say else. He wiped the blood from a wound above his eyes._

'_Not anymore,' he answered and I swallowed. _

* * *

><p>I had forgotten how good chicken tasted. Marty's friends, NCIS agents G. Callen and Sam Hanna, had taken us to the airport after we were allow to leave the hospital. There was a plane waiting for us to bring us to LA. But first we had gotten something to eat and both Marty and I were enjoying our meal. Our first real meal since four years.<p>

We would go to LA, Marty's place. I had never been to LA before. I was on my way to LA until I ran into Pedro Sandros, a known druglord. He changed my plans and life. But not all for the bad. He had given me Marty. When I looked at Marty he looked like he was lost in his thoughts. Gently I took his hand and he looked at me.

'Ready to go?' I asked him. 'Plane will be leaving soon.' He took a deep breath and nodded. Together we got up and walked to the plan.

The plane was nothing I was used to. Hetty Lange, Operation Manager of NCIS, had arranged for us to fly first class. The comfort of the plane, and the last couple of hours, was overwhelming. I had gotten used to our dark, cold 3m² cell.

* * *

><p><em><strong>February 23 2012<strong>_

_It was nice to have someone with me in the darkness. It gave it a bit light. It made the pain we had to endure every day less, the days shorter and the conversations better, or at least that was he told her._

'_My sister was the smart one,' I told Marty. 'She had it so easy at school while I struggled. I envied her until the day I realized she hadn't had it easy. She might have been so great at school but the social stuff wasn't working for her. She had one kind of friend while I had plenty of friends. I started to spend more time with her and discovered really how wonderful she was…but now…I have never told her that.' Marty put his arm around me, to offer me comfort when I was close to tears. I missed my sister. I wondered how she was dealing with this. Marty rubbed circles over my cut-up hands._

'_My partner was a bad as,' he told me and I felt him relax. When I looked closely at his face, I could see a faint smile. 'She had hotwired a plane once…still don't know why and had a secret stash for her huge candy-addiction. The last day I saw her, we joked about it. It had been a hot day and I told her that I hoped she hadn't hidden any chocolate in the car. She just rolled with her eyes, but I knew she had stashed some of it in the car. I could smell it.'_

'_Sounds like a good partnership,' I told him._

'_You should have seen us before,' he replied. 'I think it really started to become a partnership because of some Russians and a little black book.' He had made me curious about that story but his silence made it clear that he didn't want to talk. So I let it go and I closed my eyes, thinking back to the last time with my sister. The Thanksgiving dinner that turned into a disaster but also a lot of fun._

* * *

><p>When we left the airport and walked towards the car, I had to stop and take a moment. It was weird to feel the heat of the sun on my skin. It had been a long time since I felt it and it felt so good. I had to stop for it. Just to enjoy the bright, warm sun. Just breathing in and out. This was how it felt to be free, to be really free. Marty was standing next to me, doing to same thing. Sam was the one to disturb our moment.<p>

'Come on, Deeks,' he said. 'Hetty, Eric and Nell are waiting for us at the boatshed. They all want to see you.' I looked at Marty. I had heard the names before but I had never heard of the boatshed. But it meant clearly something to Marty because he continued to walk. His hand slipped in mine, feeling so familiar and I smiled at him. But he wasn't smiling back. I could see sadness in his eyes.

'It's going to be okay,' I whispered to him and I kissed him gently. He gave me a weak smile and we walked to the car. The whole way I looked outside. LA amazed me. I had seen picture online when I planned my trip.

* * *

><p>I stood in the back, close to the door when we walked into the boatshed. This was Marty's moment. This was his family, as he had called them sometimes. She recognized Eric Beale and Nell Jones, the techs and Hetty Lange, the boss from Marty's stories. The first moments between Marty and his friends had been awkward. They stood there, looking at each other. But then he received hugs from the techs and Hetty smiled at him.<p>

'Good to have you back, mister Deeks,' Hetty said with a satisfied smile. Marty nodded formally and he reached his hand out to me. I took it slowly and he pulled me closer.

'This is Lisa,' he introduced me. I asked myself why he didn't tell them about us. But when I saw Eric's and Nell's confused looks for a moment I knew there was something more. Something I didn't know.

'Mister Hanna informed me about her,' Hetty stated. 'I have arranged a hotel for you and in a week or so you can move into your own apartment. My people are working on it right now.' Marty smiled when the small woman handed him the keys. Like it was normal that your former boss arranged something like that. My boss would never have done something like that. But Marty had told me about this team and it was anything from the usual teams.

* * *

><p>I had no trouble sleeping but I couldn't sleep for long. I felt like Sandros could walk into the room any moment and destroy this. This dream of freedom. So I opened my eyes again. I reached next to me but I felt an empty space. When I turned my head, I saw a figure standing outside on the balcony, looking at the LA lights and the dark black sky. He was wearing loose cloths that Hetty had given him. She had given me also some clothes to wear. I stepped out of the bed and walked to him. I slipped my arms around his waist and felt him jump. I laid my head on his back and he started to stroke my bare arms.<p>

'Why aren't you in bed?' I asked in a whisper. I could feel him taking a deep breath.

'Can't sleep, I guess,' he answered. 'It feels like a dream.' I moved so that I was facing him but that I could keep my arms around him.

'I know,' I told him. 'I feel the same. That we'll wake up by Sandros' hands tomorrow. That I have to watch him beating you; feeling every punch and kick you're getting. But we won't wake up back in our cell. I promise you that. We're away.' I gently stroked his jaw and kissed him.

'We're awake,' Marty repeated softly and something in his voice made me feel so sorry for him. It was like he was really dreaming. That it wasn't over for him.

**TBC.  
><strong>

**=D **


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes.**

_Chapter 2_

_It takes a minute to like someone  
>An hour to love someone<br>But a lifetime to forget someone_

I knew it when I woke up the next day. It wasn't over of Marty. Only a part of it. She was on his mind. He had told me about her. So many times. He wasn't really free yet. His Fern was on his mind.

'_Tell me about her,' I asked him while I held him in my arms. Sandros had just visited us and Deeks had gotten a full beating. Blood stained his face and he winced with every movement he made. I had learned that talking about her made him forget._

'_One day we met at the beach, by accident,' he started telling. 'It was our day-off and I had taken Monty for a walk. I didn't expect to see her at that specific beach. She was sitting in the sand, looking at the waves. She looked so calm, and beautiful. I didn't want to disturb her and watch her for some time. Then Monty decided to greet her. She greeted him with one of her amazing smiles and she looked up, directly at me. We spend the rest of our day together at the beach. One moment I picked her up, fireman style, and I ran towards the sea. I never had heard her scream before when she saw where we were heading. I tossed us into the sea, both immediately soaked. I expected at least a punch in my arm but all she did was laugh. We walked back to the beach and let us fall into the sand. There we lay until the sun had gone done and stars had appeared.' A tear rolled over his cheeks when he finished the story. And I had a faint smile. When he talked about her, something changed in Marty. And it was a good, nice, change. He seemed to forget that he was here. He seemed to feel free for a moment. I wished I had a way to escape this place for a while._

* * *

><p>The scale had been prove of the bad way we were threatened by Sandros. I had lost about 33 pounds since I was with him. It didn't surprise me though. All we got was dry, old bread with some old, lukewarm water twice a day.<p>

It was surprising to see myself in a mirror. My hair had gotten very long. It was far down my back. The last time I had seen it, it was on my shoulders. It had become greasy and dull. No longer blond color it used to be. I looked in the drawers and found some shampoo and conditioner. I turned the shower on and after undressing, I stepped inside. The warm water rays hit my skin hard and turned it red, but I loved standing underneath it. I put the shampoo and conditioner in slowly, really enjoying my first shower in four years. I grabbed one of the razorblades and shaved myself. When I stepped out of the shower, I didn't feel clean, I felt new. I no longer smelled like sweat and blood. I smelled like apricot. I smiled when I put on some clean clothes.

The bed was empty once again when I got back into the room. A note was laying on the bed saying that Marty had left for a while and that he would get back in time to have breakfast together. I wondered where he had gone too.

* * *

><p>We didn't ate breakfast together as it turned out. Callen and Sam joined us for dinner and they had all kind of questions for Marty. I quietly ate my breakfast and drank my tea while listening to Marty's story about how he got in our cell.<p>

'Umm…after they grabbed us at the warehouse, they moved us in some truck,' he told Callen and Sam. 'They bound our hands but with a broken mirror, I managed to cut us loose. I also managed to cut my hand.' I saw him glance at his hand, like he had done many times before. 'Either way, when they opened the truck, they flipped when they saw us loose and they cuffed us with our own cuffs. After a long ride, I honestly can't tell you how long it was, we arrived at some compound. We were separated until the day of the buy. We were put in front of about…five, six men. Sandros immediately bought me…'

'Why?' Sam asked and I had wondered the same.

'I might have caused the arrest of a few family members and friends of him,' Marty told him. 'And he made me pay for that every day.' I put my hand on his arm. Not like I felt he needed it, but I needed it. I needed to be there for him, even if he didn't needed it.

'Please go on,' Callen said.

'Um…yeah well Sandros bought me,' Marty continued after a moment of silent to gather his memories. 'But they took their time for her…' Once again I saw the sadness in Marty's eyes. I knew who he meant with her: Fern.

'Who bought her, Deeks?' Callen asked.

'Mikhail Petjrov,' Marty answered and Sam immediately grabbed his phone.

'Thank you, Deeks,' Callen said. 'We'll get her back.' I saw Sam gesturing for Callen to come and then we were with the two of us again.

'You're okay?' I asked him, stroking his hair. He took a deep breath and he nodded.

* * *

><p>Marty had taken me to the beach. We had taken of our shoes and walked in the sands with our bare feet. He told me that it was one of the things he had missed the most, the feeling of sand between his toes. I smiled at him and kissed him. I found it so sweet of him to share that with me. We sat down in the sand, next to each other and we looked at the waves coming and going in such a gentle pace. It was very calming. The sun started to warm the sand and our bodies. Surfers were catching some waves and I noticed Marty looking at them.<p>

'Did you surf?' I asked him.

'Once, yeah,' he answered and he pulled me closer. 'Did you ever go surfing?' I started to laugh. I hardly been ever to a beach and surfing was something I had to watch, according to my dad.

'No, never,' I answered when he looked surprised. 'I think my dad thought it was too dangerous for me.' Marty slowly nodded, like he understood my dad's thoughts. 'But we could go surfing some day. Or you'll surf and I'll watch you from the beach.' Marty nodded again and I realized he wasn't here with his thoughts.

'Are you worried about Fern?' I asked him. The name got his attention and he looked at me. 'Callen and Sam said they would get her back.'

'It's not that I'm worried about,' Marty said with a sad tone.

'You wonder if she's still alive,' I asked and Marty swallowed before nodding. I came closer to him and I kissed him. He wrapped his arms around me and we just sat there. Waiting for the call that would disturb our moment.

* * *

><p>We walked hand-in-hand through streets and Marty would tell me something about the street. What he had done or experienced there. He pulled me into a café and we were warmly greeted by an older woman.<p>

'Marty!' she said enthusiastic and she pushed us towards a table. 'It has been too long and you're too skinny. I'll get you, and your girl, a nice piece of my apple pie. Do you want some cocoa with that? For old time's sakes?' Marty smiled and just nodded.

'I worked here from sixteen till eighteen,' he told me. 'And came here to eat the famous apple pie even before that.' I also smiled and stroked his hand. The woman came back with two huge pieces of apple pie and damping cups of cocoa. I couldn't remember the last time I drank cocoa. It had been a long time ago. The woman squeezed Marty's cheek and walked to the other customers.

'She always does that,' Marty smiled. 'She's like my second mom. Or at least she acts like it.' He looked over his shoulder to the woman. 'Josephine helped me a lot during my childhood.' He stuffed a bit of the pie in his mouth and I just looked at him. He had told me about his hard childhood. It had been one of that last things he told me. That told me that he usually didn't talk about it. But when you spend 24/7 in a cell for four years you talk a lot. Even about the things you normally keep to yourself.

'Everyone should have a person in his or her life like her,' he said.

'I would have loved to have someone like her in my life,' I told him and I ate another bit. ''Cause this pie is delicious!'

'Josephine's great apple pie,' Marty said. 'I can tell you that half of everyone in here comes here every week, just for the pie.' I looked around in the full place and I could see the truth in Marty's words. Josephine seemed to know a lot of the people and took her time to talk with everybody.

Shrill ringing of a phone made us both look up. It took a moment for Marty to realize that it was his new phone. I didn't know for sure how he got it but I suspected that Hetty had given it to him, like all the other things she had given us.

'Deeks?' he spoke in the phone and I could hear a tremble in his voice. He stood up and grabbed his jacket. I followed his lead.

'I'll be there soon,' he told the other person and he hung up. Then he looked at me, like he had forgotten that I was here with him. He looked troubled.

'Let's go,' I told him. He stayed standing at his spot for a second or so and then he placed a kiss on my lips. He grabbed my hand and together we walked out of the café.

* * *

><p>She wasn't like I had imagined her to be. Her hair was dark from the filth and she looked broken. Her wrist was in a cast. All I recognized for Marty's stories were her eyes. But I also knew what being a prisoner for such a long time did to you. How it change you. But I didn't look like I did before. Looking at her now, she was Kensi. Not his Fern. But in time that would change again. Kensi and his Fern would become one again. But the little girl clung to Kensi's leg, surprised me the most. She didn't look older than four, which meant she was probably born in captivity. And that could hardly mean something good.<p>

Marty was still standing at the same spot, frozen. I could see in his face that he didn't expect to see her, ever again. Looking at her face, it was clear that she felt the same. Suddenly I felt otiose. This was a moment between Marty and Kensi, two old partners, old friends. Friends who thought that they would never see each other again. The astonishment was actually something beautiful. It really told me how much they had been through. Enough to give up on each other.

Nobody moved a muscle. We all stood there, waiting for Marty or Kensi to move. But it seemed like it wasn't happening. Hetty cleared her throat and everybody turned to her.

'I think Miss Blye would like to have a moment to clean herself up,' she said and Kensi nodded and she lifted the girl in her arms.

'I'll take you to my place,' Callen said. 'You can also stay there.' Kensi nodded again and she followed him to his car. I looked at Marty, who was still standing in the same spot. Now that Kensi was gone I walked over to him and placed my hand carefully on his arm. He turned to me with a blank look. I put my hand on his cheek and kissed him gently.

'Let's go back to the hotel,' I suggested and Marty nodded.

* * *

><p>Back at the hotel I held Marty in my arms while he softly cried. It broke my heart to see him like this. I thought things would get better once he had seen Kensi. That is was time for us. But that wasn't true. It made it worse for him. I didn't know why. I didn't asked him why. I gave him that one secret.<p>

'It's alright,' I whispered to him, stroking his hair and I placed a kiss on the top of his head. Marty hardly reacted. All he did was cry softly. Suddenly I had enough and I walked to the bedroom. I wanted a shower. A moment for myself. I needed that. Just so that I could stay strong for Marty. To be what he needed.

**TBC.**

**So Kensi is back too...**


	4. Chapter 4

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites! And a big thanks to our big NCIS:LA Family **

_Chapter 3_

_If you have Hope  
>You have everything.<em>

Marty was quiet the rest of the night and the next morning. I didn't know what to say to him. Or what to ask him. Why did he react like this? Why hadn't he talked to Kensi? Hugged her? It was like he was really happy to see her.

'What are we going to do today?' I asked Marty when we walked back to our room. Marty shrugged and he opened the door. I sighed and walked inside. When I walked past him, I stroked his arm.

'Do you want to the apartment?' I asked him while I sat down on the bed. 'To see what Hetty got us?' Marty glanced at the window and then he turned to me.

'We could do that,' he said. 'But first I've to do something.'

'What?' I asked him curiously. He looked at me for a few long silent seconds and he took a deep breath.

'I want to talk with Kensi,' he answered and I nodded.

'Good idea,' I said. 'Then I might go into town. To shop for a while. We can meet each other at the apartment.' Marty nodded and he walked into the bathroom. I stared at the closed door. I had told him I thought it was a good idea. But I had been the one who consoled him after he had seen Kensi after the four years. I had been the one who told him that everything was going to be okay. And that was when he had just seen her. They hadn't exchanged a word.

* * *

><p>It felt good to be able to walk into stores and try on clothes and shoes. It had been too long since I could have done that and I missed it. But most of all I missed going shopping with my friends. It isn't as much fun when you're shopping alone. Hetty had given me and Marty some money to spend. To buy our own clothes so that we didn't have to wear the clothes she gave us.<p>

After buying a lot of clothes I sat down at a terrace and ordered something to drink. I was so glad with my new sunglasses and I enjoyed the warm sun. It was the most relaxed I have felt since…forever.

'Lisa?' I heard someone asked surprised and I opened my eyes. I couldn't believe who was standing in front of me. It was my friend Stephanie. I yelped and I hugged her. I was so happy to see her.

'What are you doing here?' Stephanie asked. 'I thought you lived in New York with all the glamour of being a journalist.' I smiled.

'Well, I met a guy,' I started and Stephanie started to laughed. I gestured her to sit down so that we could talk. 'And he lives in LA. So that's why I'm here.'

'Unbelievable,' Stephanie said. 'It must be one hell of a guy that you would move to a different city, on the other side of the country. Not that I'm complaining of course!'

'He was the only thing I had at one moment,' I said. 'But you look good! How is it going with you?'

'Great,' Stephanie said. 'Got a good job, nice place to live and a nice guy…It's still weird to see you sitting here. I thought you were in love with New York and that you would never move.'

'Well, things happened,' I said, keeping it vague. I didn't want to tell Stephanie everything that happened. I wanted to be able to be the old me around someone. Stephanie was the perfect person for that.

* * *

><p>'Here is my phone number,' Stephanie said and she handed me her card. 'You should give me a call sometimes and then we could meet again.' I smiled when I took the card.<p>

'I'll definitely call you,' I told her. 'You should come in a week or so to our new apartment. I think we're going to give a housewarming party…it would be nice to give one.' Stephanie nodded and she gave me a hug.

'I missed us,' she said when she let me go. 'I thought I had done something wrong when you didn't return me phone calls or e-mails.' I looked at the ground. I really hoped she wasn't going to question me about it. 'But I'm glad it's okay now.'

'It's certainly okay,' I told her. 'I have to go now. Marty is probably waiting for me.'

'Say hi to your man,' Stephanie smiled. 'Tell him I can't wait to meet him.' I laughed and we said goodbye once more. I grabbed a cab and drove to our new apartment. I was excited to see it. I was excited to live with Marty in our place.

* * *

><p>Marty wasn't at the apartment yet but there were other people. They were probably the people Hetty mentioned. They all gave me a wave and let me inside.<p>

'Do you want a cup, Miss Parrello?' one of the men asked and I looked questioningly at him. He smiled politely. 'A cup of coffee?'

'Oh, no thanks,' I answered. 'Maybe some water if you have that.' The man nodded and he walked away. I looked around in the room. I was standing in the living room and it was becoming a gorgeous room. The walls were painted in a warm light brown color and there was a beautiful wooden floor.

'We have a nice bank chosen for you,' a woman told me and she shook my hand. 'Ellie Johnson.' I had no idea where she had just come from and I smiled politely at her.

'I'm sorry it took such a long time,' Marty said when he finally walked into the living room. Ellie had already given me a tour of the apartment. I noticed his red puffy eyes and they told me he had cried. I walked over to him and I kissed him.

'Everything okay?' I asked him worried and Marty simple nodded.

'Have you seen the apartment already?' he asked me and I nodded. 'Do you like it?'

'It's perfect,' I smiled at him and I took his hand in mine to give him a tour. I showed him the kitchen, the bathroom and the two bedrooms. At second bedroom Marty stood still and he stared at it.

'We can turn it into something like an office/guest room,' I suggested to him. Marty turned his head to me and he worried me. Something was clearly bothering him. He pulled me into the second bedroom and he closed the door.

'Did something happen when you were with Kensi?' I asked him worried. Marty shook his head.

'It was fine,' he told me. 'We had some time to talk, which was something we needed to do.' I nodded in understanding. I already knew that.

'Then what's wrong?' I asked him. Marty let out a deep breath.

'I don't know how to tell you this, Lisa,' he stumbled and he took my hands. I held my breath for what was coming. 'Kensi's little girl, Hope, is…she is my child...' I shook my head. It had to be a joke. That couldn't be possible. I pulled my hands back and I stepped back when I saw in his eyes that he wasn't joking. Hope was really his daughter. Suddenly I turned back to him.

'So does this mean we're over?' I asked him bluntly and tears were already forming in my eyes. The shock and hurt on his face told me a lot and the kiss told me the rest.

'I'm not throwing away our years together,' he told me. 'I love you. I told you because I wanted to be honest with you and I wanted to know if you could accept her in our life…because she will become a part of mine.' I forced myself to smile at him and I kissed him.

'Of course I can accept her in our life,' I told him. 'I love you.' But it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be.

* * *

><p>We were laying in our bed in the hotel. Marty had his arms around me and I felt so safe. When we were inside our cell Marty would hold me whenever I was scared and all my fears and pain went away. Marty was the thing that kept me alive and from going insane. Marty softly stroked my hairs.<p>

'It will be nice when we live in our own apartment,' Marty said. 'It's going to be a beautiful home for us.' I pushed myself up a bit and looked at him. He looked so relaxed and happy. I stroked his jaw and then I lay back on his chest.

'How long were you and Kensi together?' I asked him. He stopped stroking my hair for a few seconds but then he continued.

'Not that long,' he answered. 'Romantically at least…about three months. I didn't even know that she was pregnant…neither did she.' When he stayed silent I looked up and I noticed that he was lost in his thoughts. Lost in his thought of him and Kensi. I closed my eyes, trying not to think about it.

'You should meet them,' he said suddenly after a long silence and I looked up again.

'Maybe,' I said. 'Maybe when we give a housewarming party.'

'A housewarming party?' Marty asked and I nodded.

'I think we should give one,' I said. 'To make it real…our new apartment and our relationship. I saw the way the team looked. They were surprised to see you with me. They knew about your relationship with Kensi, didn't they?' Marty nodded.

'If you want to give one, we'll give a housewarming party,' he said. 'But how are we going to invite beside the team?'

'I saw one of my old friends today, Stephanie,' I told him. 'I would like to invite her and maybe my sister. And it doesn't have to be a big party. Just a few people. It will be nice.'

'Sounds good,' Marty said and he kissed me. 'Everything to make you happy.' I smiled and I closed my eyes. I was so lucky with Marty.

* * *

><p>I couldn't resist to walk into a furniture store. I knew Hetty would arrange everything but I thought it would be nice, and make it real, if I could pick one piece of furniture. Like it would make it really our apartment. Also we needed picture frames. Stephanie was standing in front of the store and I hugged her. I had invited her because Marty was with Kensi, spending time with Hope.<p>

'Good morning,' Stephanie greeted. 'How are you doing? Still everything going great with your hot guy.' I laughed and we walked inside.

'Well, we got a big discovery two days ago,' I started. 'Marty has a kid.' Stephanie's mouth fell open.

'A kid?' she repeated and I nodded.

'A real, living kid,' I said. 'I have seen her for a second or so, but I didn't knew that it was his kid at that time. But he has a girl, Hope and she's three years old.' I pointed at the decoration section and we walked over to it.

'Wow, that must be weird,' Stephanie said. 'And that he never told you before…'

'He didn't know before,' I explained. 'He found out just two days ago.' Stephanie looked at me with big eyes. I grabbed one of the picture frames, not knowing anything else to say. It appeared Stephanie had the same problem as she also grabbed a frame.

'That one is nice,' she told me and I nodded. It was a very simple one but that made it so nice. Now all we needed were pictures to put into the frames.

'So what is going to happen?' Stephanie asked eventually and I shrugged.

'He wants to spend time with Hope, of course,' I started. 'So there will be some kind of custody. But she will spend most of the time with her mom. Maybe she will stay in the weekend sometimes….that reminds me: Marty asked if I could look for some stuff for Hope's room.'

'Wow, she already has her own room,' Stephanie said. I said nothing and put four frames in the shopping basket. I knew what Stephanie meant. Hope was taking a place in our lives very rapidly. But I understood why. Marty had a bad childhood and no real family, beside Hope now. I understood that he wanted to give his daughter the great childhood that he never had.

* * *

><p>'Beth Parrello, how can I help you?' I smiled when I heard my sister's voice. I had missed hearing it. I missed our long talks.<p>

'Hey, sis.' My sister began to sob on the other side of the line as soon as she heard my voice.

'Lisa? Is it really you? I thought I lost you…' The sobs had turned into real cries and it broke my heart to hear my little sister like that.

'Yes, sis, it's really me. I came back…'

'Where are you? I'll take the next plane there!'

'I'm in Los Angeles…can you believe that it took me four years to get there?'

'Are…are you okay?' My sister's voice was shaking. When I listened closer, I could hear a baby cry in the background and that moment I knew why I waited so long to call her. I could deal with all the changes except for the changes in my sister's life. Because I was once a part of that life. I missed four years of her life. And apparently the first months of my niece's or nephew's life.

'Lisa? Are you still there? Are you okay? Lisa?' The desperation in Beth's voice drew me back to the call.

'Yes, I'm still here and I'm fine. Now please tell me about my little niece or nephew that I can hear in the background.'

'Oh, I'm sorry! Will is taking care of Liam right…so yes, you're the aunt of a beautiful nine-month-old boy…I'll bring him and Will when I come. You need to meet them!'

'I already met Will, sis. He was there the last time I visited you. Though back then it wasn't as serious as having a child yet. But I would love to meet little Liam. We were planning to give a housewarming party next week. It would be wonderful if you could be there too.'

'I would love to be at your housewarming party…wait, we?'

'Marty and I. I met him about three and half years ago, I think. I wasn't really aware of any passing time at that point. But we fell in love. He's the only good thing that happened to me in the four years.'

* * *

><p>'My sister is also coming for the housewarming party,' I told Marty during dinner and he looked up, nodding.<p>

'Great,' he replied. 'I know how much you missed her…and maybe you can tell her the things you told me about her. Tell her how much you love her. How long will she stay?'

'I don't know yet,' I answered. 'But she is coming with her husband Will and my nine-month-old nephew Liam.' Marty took my hand and kissed it. He must know how hard it was for me to find out about Will and Liam. That I missed it all. A wedding was something sisters did together. Beth and I dreamed about our weddings when we were young. Planning them together and promising that we would be at each other's wedding. But now I missed her wedding. I just hoped it was the wedding of her dreams. She deserved that.

'Meeting your family would be great,' Marty smiled. 'You met mine and now I can meet yours.' I nodded. I had met his family. His old team was his family. But meeting them was a bit awkward. I felt like they saw me as Kensi's replacement in Marty's life. I just hoped that they could accept me, one day.

'I'll do the dishes,' Marty announced and he collected the plates. 'You should just relax, on the couch…getting to know Monty and planning our housewarming party.'

'You're the sweetest,' I told him and I kissed him. I tried to bring a glass to the kitchen but he stopped me and pointed at the couch. Laughing I walked over to it.

* * *

><p>I never was this nervous and I didn't even know why I was this nervous. I had seen the team before, I had seen Kensi before and I had seen Hope before. But now they had a different meaning, especially Kensi and Hope. I was glad to have Stephanie beside me, handing me a glass of wine.<p>

'The apartment is amazing,' she told me. 'So beautiful. I wish I had an apartment like this.' I forced a smile and I drank some wine. I was going to need that to survive the night. Stephanie put a hand on my arm, telling me she was standing a 100% behind me.

A knock on the door made me alert and I put my glass on the table. I gave Marty the opportunity to open the door. Sam and Eric stepped inside and greeted us.

'So they are ex-SEAL guy and tech guy?' Stephanie whispered in my ear from behind and I nodded. We had discussed the team so that Stephanie had some idea of who was coming. Marty didn't have to close the door because the next guests arrived as well.

'Here they are,' I whispered to Stephanie when Callen and Kensi walked inside, Kensi with Hope on her arm.

'Wow, she's kind of hot,' Stephanie said and she took a sip from her wine. 'Your guy has a good taste.' I watched how Marty greeted Callen and then Kensi with Hope. I noticed the smile on his face when he spoke to Hope. He turned his head to me and motioned me to come. Stephanie gave me a good luck wish and I walked to Marty, putting my arm around his waist.

'Thanks for coming,' I said in a faked happy tone. Callen and Kensi smiled.

'Lisa, this is Hope,' Marty introduced me. 'And Hope, this is Lisa.' Hope didn't even look at me. She had her face hidden in her mother's shoulder.

'I'm sorry,' Kensi apologized. 'She's really shy.' I nodded understanding. Being locked up in a cell for your entire life couldn't be easy. You wouldn't be used to any people beside the people you saw every day. In Hope's case: her mom.

* * *

><p>I was standing in the kitchen, looking at Marty interacting with the team. I drank some wine but it didn't taste as good as it used to be. Only Marty's family was here. Beth couldn't come today. She, Will and Liam would come tomorrow. I missed her. Stephanie walked over to me, leaning against the counter.<p>

'The secret guy…Callen, right?' I nodded and Stephanie continued. 'He's kind of hot. Is he single?' I couldn't help to laugh. That was typically Stephanie. Always looking for a new guy.

'I thought you were happy with Aaron,' I said to her.

'Maybe I can be happier with Callen,' she smiled and she took another sip from her wine. It was definitely the wine talking by now.

'You're unbelievable,' I told her laughing. 'But what do you think of the rest of the team?'

'You mean Kensi?' Stephanie asked and she laughed. 'She's kind of distance. Don't know if it's me or just her.' Or the four years she spent with a criminal, I added in my mind. 'She might be nice…It is clear that that little girl means a lot to her. She doesn't leave that girl out of her arms for just a second.'

'Yeah, I noticed that,' I said and I understood it as well. Kensi must have lived every day in fear that Petrjov would take Hope away from her.

* * *

><p>I was sitting next to Marty listening to the conversation he was having with the team. Stephanie had abandoned me so she could talk with Callen. I wished her luck. Marty had told me stories about Callen and I wasn't giving her much chance.<p>

'What are you going to do with all the sand?' Sam asked and the question got me back in the conversation. I curiously looked at Marty.

'There won't be any sand,' he answered and he said in such a tone no one dared to question him about it. But I was wondering about what that was about. I wasn't given much time because Kensi asked for our attention.

'I think I should go,' she announced, looking at little Hope who was almost asleep on her mother's lap.

'Of course,' Marty nodded and he got up from the couch. 'Do I need to bring you home?' I looked surprised at Marty. How was he planning to do that? We didn't even have a car! But Kensi already shook her head.

'Callen drove us,' she answered. 'So I'm going to look for him.' I also got up from the couch when she said that.

'I'll go with you,' I told her, surprising myself and not knowing exactly why I said that. 'I believe Stephanie is with him.' Kensi slowly nodded and with Hope in her arms, we walked to the balcony. When we got closer we could Stephanie's laugh and I remember that laugh. It was her flirting laugh. She and Callen were sitting next to each other on some beer crates, simply because we didn't have furniture for the balcony yet.

'Hey, Steph,' I smiled and Stephanie gave me a little wave. Callen on the other hand immediately got up when he saw Kensi with the almost sleeping Hope. I had to admit that Kensi had trained those guys pretty well. She had only to appear and they were ready to help her. Even Marty.

'You want to go?' he asked and Kensi nodded.

'Yeah, Hope is really tired,' she explained. 'It has been in busy day for her.'

'Goodbye, Stephanie,' he said to my friend and he walked inside without saying a word to me. I watched him talk and laugh with Marty and Sam through the window and I felt like I didn't fit in. I knew I didn't fit in. I was just Marty's new girlfriend.

'He's really nice,' Stephanie said. 'Only not a big talker.' I faked a smiled and we also walked back inside.

* * *

><p>'You were right: it was nice to have a housewarming party,' Marty said when the last guest, Stephanie, had left and we were sitting on the couch. It had been nice for Marty. Not for me. I felt left out. Even Stephanie seemed to fit better in with them. Marty put his arms around me and he started to kiss me in my neck. I started to smile.<p>

'I missed that smile,' Marty whispered. 'I know it wasn't as much fun for you as it was for me. For me it was catching up with old friends. I might have forgotten that it wasn't like that for you. I'm sorry.' His kisses slowly went up my neck to my face. Soft, caring, delicate kisses telling me that he was really sorry and that he loved me.

'If you go on like this, you're definitely forgiven,' I smiled and Marty started to smile as well. He continued kissing me and when he arrived at my lips, I kissed him back, firmly. I was like I was proving Marty was mine. Marty lifted me from the couch and moved us towards our bedroom.

**TBC.**


	5. Chapter 5

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

**I know it is a kind of short chapter. And I'm sorry for that. But this chapter was a problem chapter for me.**

_Chapter 4_

_We stopped checking for monsters under our bed_

_When we realized they were inside us_

I was happy. Last evening had been exhausting. But today was going to be a good day. Today Beth was coming with Will and little Liam. I was excited to see them but also a bit nervous because I knew I didn't look good. I was worried what my sister was going to say when she saw how skinny I had become and all the cuts and bruises. So I stood nervously waiting at the airport for Beth to arrive. Fortunately I had this great guy standing next to me, holding my hand. I looked at him and smiled. He smiled back at me.

The passengers started to arrive and I looked for my sister. It took so long for her to come, but then I saw her. I waved at her, and when she waved back, the tears were already falling. I ran towards her as she ran towards me. I needed to hold her. I needed to know it was real. That it wasn't a cruel dream. When I was able to hold my sister, I would know that this was all real. That I was free.

'Lisa!' she cried when we fell in each other's arms, hugging each other tightly. I took her smell in. It had changed over the years. She now smelled like baby power. I let her go a little bit to take a good look at her. Her sparkly eyes I immediately recognized. She was really here, with me. She smiled at me and everything was alright. She turned her head to the man standing next to her, holding a little baby in his arms.

'Lisa, this is my husband Will,' Beth said, finding her voice again. 'And of course our son, your nephew Liam.' I smiled at the boy who was looking curiously at me with two fingers in his mouth. Will pulled me in a hug too.

'I'm glad I have the chance to meet you,' he told me.

'Same goes for me,' I said with a shaking voice. I turned and as always Marty stood next to me. I grabbed his hand, pulling him closer.

'And Beth, this is Marty, my boyfriend,' I introduced him to my sister. As they greeted each other I smiled.

* * *

><p>Beth was playing with little Liam on the bed after she had changed him. I was watching them. She was such a good mom. But I had always known she would be. And I had known how much she'd loved to become a mom.<p>

'I'm going to put Liam to bed,' she told me. 'It's kind of late for him…and he had the flight.' I nodded.

'Of course,' I replied and I showed her the guestroom where they would sleep as long as they were here. 'Is there anything you need?' Beth smiled and she touched my arm.

'No, I'm fine,' she answered and she put Liam to bed. She sang him a song and after that we walked to the living room. Deeks and Will were sitting on the couch, watching a football game. Beth and I smiled at each other. We decided not to disturb them and we walked into the kitchen. The dishes were standing on the counter. We started to clean it, just like we did when we were young. We did it in silence. Even though it felt familiar, there was a hint of awkwardness. It was hard talking to Beth. I couldn't tell her what happened. It would be too hard for her to bear.

'Can you show us LA tomorrow?' Beth asked. 'We have never been here before.'

'I can show you but I wouldn't know what to show you,' I answered. 'I haven't been much in town. I spend most of my days here, at the apartment.' Beth nodded understanding. 'But we can go. We will explore the city together.' Beth smiled. Suddenly I had the urge to hug my sister and I did. It was good to be in her arms. She understood that I didn't want to talk about the four years. That I wanted to move on. She understood it all. She understood because she was my wonderful sister.

'I love you,' I whispered in her ear. She softly stroked my hair and told me the same.

* * *

><p>'This is the cutest shirt ever!' Beth smiled and she showed me a tiny green shirt. It was unbelievable that a person would fit in it. But Liam fit in it. He was still so small. I moved my hand passed the clothing racks. There were so many clothes.<p>

'I'm going to pay,' Beth told me and she pointed at the cash register. I nodded and I followed her. It felt strange standing in this shop. This shop was a shop of moving on. A baby shop…people bought here stuff for the new life that they had welcomed. It was moving on. I looked at the women with their children in the store. They all looked so sincerely happy.

'Where should we go next?' Beth asked me when we stood outside again. 'Do you need to buy any clothes?' I took a few deep breaths.

'Yes, that would be nice,' I answered. 'No longer walking around in borrowed clothes.' I had stayed inside most of the time since we were back. I didn't like going outside. But now the bruises had faded and the cuts had healed. I now could go outside without the feeling that everyone was staring at me. Wondering if I got beaten at home. As if Marty would ever do that to me. Beth linked our arms and together we walked to the next shop. It felt like a normal moment. Like I was normal.

* * *

><p>Bull…bull…bull…needed to get away…I couldn't stay! I needed to hide…hide at a safe place. Away from him…away from the Bull. I crawled further into the darkest corner, far away. I needed to find a place to hide.<p>

'_Hundred-forty-six, hundred-forty-seven, hundred-forty-eight…all you need to know…all you need to feel'_ I could feel fluids running over my back. I could smell the horrible iron smell of blood. My back ached.

'…_come now! I don't know what…'_ Beth, my wonderful sister. They had her too! The Bull had her. I needed to help her, to save her! The pain in my back was unbearable but I pushed it away. I had to get to my sister.

'…_she okay?'_ I didn't recognize the male voice but he sounded nice. Nice as the Bull in the minutes before he started his fun. The minutes before he started to play.

'_Just leave her alone!'_ I yelled and I got out of the darkest corner. Hands were on my arms, squeezing a little bit too hard. I tried to escape. I tried to fight. To my confusion they disappeared after my first try. Why did they give up so easily? What was there plan?

'_Lisa,'_ I heard Marty say and I felt his hands on my face. 'We're awake…we're awake, sweetheart.' His words and hands calmed me down. And suddenly I was no longer in the dark room. I was in an alley in downtown Los Angeles, surrounded by several curious bystanders, my scarred little sister and Marty. My sweet Marty who always saved me.

We were awake.

* * *

><p>He smelled so safe. How could a little person smell so safe? Be so innocent? Liam hadn't seen the real world. And I was going to do everything in my power to keep that from happening. Such a little guy shouldn't see it. He should only know happiness. I held Liam close to me. He gave me such a safe feeling.<p>

I could feel Beth's eyes on me. She was worried about me. I had scared her this afternoon. I hadn't told her anything about the four years but now she knew how bad it had been. I tried to protect her from that, but I failed today. I was always the one who kept her calm no matter what. The one who was never that visibly scared. I used to keep it inside…until today. Today I showed it all.

A delicate kiss was placed on top of my head. To remind me I was awake. Safe and sound in our own home. No longer in the dark room, only in the dark sometimes. It wasn't easy being a survivor but I was going to make it work. I was more than a victim!

* * *

><p>I woke up from the murmur next to me. I rubbed my eyes and looked at Marty. He was tossing around and sweating. I put my hand on his shoulder, hoping it would wake him up. He felt so warm and wet. I put my hands on his face, keeping his head from moving.<p>

'Marty, wake up,' I whispered at him. I needed to wake him up. He shouldn't be in the dark room anymore. He should be in our bedroom. I repeated myself, a bit louder this time. But not too loud because I didn't want to wake Beth, Will or Liam. I wanted to tab his cheek but I didn't know for certain what would happen. Before I could make the decision, his blue scared eyes were staring at me. I stroked his face.

'It's okay,' I whispered soothingly at him as I listened to his panting. He closed his eyes again, feeling tired. Nightmares were tiring. I kissed his wet forehead.

'Should I get some water?' I asked him but Marty shook his head. He held my wrists tightly, keeping me close to him. I shifted and took him in my arms. His breathing wasn't calming down. It was like he wasn't fully awake yet.

'Tell me about the day at the beach,' I whispered to him, stroking his hair. And as Marty told the story about the day at the beach, his breathing calmed down. He calmed down completely. He relaxed again. And all because of that day at the beach.

**TBC.**

**I know people want to see more of Kensi's and Deeks' feelings. But it's hard to do since it's Lisa's POV and she doesn't really know how Kensi or Deeks are feeling. If you know a way how I can improve that, please tell me. I'm always trying to improve!**

**But this story will only be from Lisa's POV. No other's.  
>I'm sorry if that's not what you would like to read...=(<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

**This chapter is for the sweet because she doesn't really celebrate Christmas, only on the internet. So here is my Christmas present for you, =D  
><strong>

**And to everyone else: Merry Christmas! **

_Chapter 5_

_Every day you wait_

_Is another day you won't get back again_

I looked at the people walking down the street, towards their cars. I knew that they were on their way to work. I knew because of the time. I wanted to go back to work. Sitting at home was getting on my nerves. I wanted to get out more. But right now, I knew I would never get a job. How was I going to explain the four years without a job? How was I going to explain why I suddenly left my old job?

'You're up early,' Beth said and I turned around. She walked into the kitchen with Liam in her arms. I walked over and took Liam in my arms so that she could take her time preparing Liam's bottle.

'I couldn't sleep,' I answered her. 'I lay awake a long time…I maybe slept for an hour or so. We had kind of a hard night.'

'Do you have a lot of nightmares?' Beth asked worried. 'About what happened?' I shrugged. Beth took Liam back in her arms and we walked to the couch.

'He more than me,' I told her. 'I think I push it away most of the time. For Marty it's harder. He didn't only lose his own life for four years, his old partner's life was lost for four years too. I think he blames himself sometimes.'

'I thought you were alone with Marty?' Beth asked.

'I was,' I answered. 'But at the time Pedro Sandros took him, another man took Marty's partner…and girlfriend…Kensi. You might meet her one of these days. She and Marty have a daughter together.' Beth looked shocked at me and I looked away from her. It was strange to say it…to explain it. Marty had another life next to ours…intertwined with ours.

'That must have been awkward,' Beth said slowly and I nodded.

'Especially since Marty only found out about Hope a few days ago,' I added.

'I couldn't imagine being away from Liam,' Beth said, looking down at her son. 'Not knowing he existed…Liam is our life.' I stroked the little boy over his head.

* * *

><p>There were so many jobs in the paper. I looked at them all. If I was reading them, maybe it was a sign that I was ready to get back to work…to a job. I put the paper down and took a sip from my coffee. I heard a door creak and I looked up. Marty walked into the room, looking very sleepy. I pushed a steaming cup of coffee towards him, which he took gratefully.<p>

'Did you get any sleep?' he asked me and I shook my head. He walked towards me and squeezed my shoulder. 'I'm sorry.' I put my hand over his.

'It's okay,' I told him. 'You couldn't help it. We hadn't had the easiest four years. I made you come to some alley because I was freaking out.' Marty sat down next to me and gave me a kiss.

'What happened at that moment?' he asked me softly. 'Beth said you were talking about bulls…you know that he's gone. Callen shot him, right between his eyes. A perfect shot. He won't get back to us.' I took a deep breath. I knew that. I had seen the Bull laying on the ground, blood flowing from the wound between his eyes. It was too easy for him after all he had done to us, and maybe more people.

'I know but I swear I saw him,' I told him. 'Standing next to the entrance of the shop we were heading. I swear I saw him standing there, with his cruel smile on his face.' Marty kissed me and held me closer.

'He's gone,' he told me and I nodded into his shoulder. 'Maybe we should take Hetty's offer…about the therapist.' I shook my head. I wasn't going to talk about this with some stranger. I wanted to move on, not to be reminded of it all. It all needed to be gone. When I saw Marty's sad smile I knew he wasn't planning on going. We both wanted to move on from it all. Not spending more time on the four years and the scares.

But that wasn't easy. Those four years had been changing. Nothing was the same anymore. People had moved on. Life had moved on. We were the ones who had stood still, locked away in some dark room. It had broken us. Parts of our old selves had disappeared and were replaced by the new, more scared us. It was the way it was. There was nothing we could change about the past. But we could change the future. That was all our choice.

* * *

><p>'I can't believe you're already leaving again,' I told Beth and she touched the side of my face. Tears were already threatening to fall.<p>

'We have to go back to work,' she replied. 'If it was up to me and there was no job in the way, I would stay here with you. I don't want to leave you again.' The tears were no longer threatening to fall, they _were_ falling and Beth pulled me in a hug. 'Don't cry, Lisa…soon I'll start too and I won't be able to stop.' I said nothing and held on to her. I didn't want her to leave me. I wanted her to stay. It took me four horrible years to realize that she meant so much to me. I was ready to give up everything and come with her. But I knew I couldn't do that.

'I hate to break you up,' Will said carefully. 'But we really need to leave if we want to catch our plane.' I let Beth go and pulled Will a hug.

'Take care of my little sister, okay?' I asked him. 'Make sure she's able to receive us when we're coming to visit you. Keep her safe.' Will smiled and he kissed me on my cheek.

'Of course, Lisa,' he promised me and I let him go. I gave little Liam a kiss. I would miss the little man. He had stolen my heart during their visit. I took a deep breath and took a step back, into Marty's arms. He held me tight as we said Beth, Will and Liam goodbye, watching them go to the plane. He held me as I burst into tears, not wanting my sister to leave me. He held me as long as I needed, stroking my hair and whispering sweet words into my ear.

We stood there for another half hour, just me crying and Marty comforting me. It felt like I lost my sister all over again. I already missed her. I never understood the importance of family until this day. You were nothing without family.

'Are you ready to come home?' Marty asked me softly as I had calmed down and I nodded. He kept his arm around me while we went back. He never let me go for one moment.

* * *

><p>The apartment felt empty without Beth, Will and Liam. Marty started to clean the dishes of our last breakfast together. I wouldn't be greeted by the sweet smiling Liam in the morning, I had gotten used to that, even though they had only been here for three days. I grabbed a towel and I helped Marty drying.<p>

'I think I want a job,' I told him, to start the conversation.

'What would you want to do?' he asked. 'Something with journalism?'

'If possible,' I answered. 'But I can't sit at home all day doing nothing. Not anymore…neither can you, Marty…we need to move on.' Marty stopped and rested his hands on the counter. He sighed and then he looked at me.

'What can I do?' he asked. 'All I know is how to be a cop. I am a cop…but I can't go back to LAPD. They wouldn't want me back…neither can I go to NCIS. I would never pass the psychological test…what else can I do?'

'You told me one day that you were a lawyer once,' I told him and Marty shook his head.

'There was a reason I didn't want to be a lawyer anymore,' he said. 'And I don't know if I'm ready…ready for a job…maybe I need some more time.' I stroked his cheek. I didn't want him to feel forced. I would never want to force him into anything. All I wanted was for him to happy. I stepped closer and I kissed him. Marty wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer and deepening the kiss.

'I love you,' I whispered at him.

'I love you too,' he whispered back and he kissed me again. 'And if I can help you in any way to find a job, I would do it without thinking. If you're ready, I support you.' I smiled and gave him a loving kiss.

'Thank you,' I told him and I poked him. 'Now go on with washing those plates. I want to finish them.' Marty placed a quick kiss on my lips before continuing to do the dishes.

* * *

><p>Feeling safely in Marty's arms I lay in bed thinking about us. About the first kiss we shared. It had been magical. The start of the beginning. The start of a better life in that dark prison. Not knowing that we would ever get out alive. But if we had to stay in there, we would stay together and keep each other strong, letting each other know that at least someone cared. That someone cared that we were still alive.<p>

_I stopped feeling the pain. The pain had become something consistent. We both didn't feel it anymore. We leaned against the wall, trying to ignore the difficulty breathing. For the first time I noticed that Marty was holding my hand. While he held my hand, I didn't feel the pain for the first time. _

'_One more day,' Marty whispered at me and I rested my head on his shoulder. That was what we used to say to each other. One more day, and they would come. Come to save both of us. But it was always a day away. I stopped believing they would come but Marty couldn't. He needed to believe that his team would find him. His team had all these equipment so they had to find me._

'_One more day,' I repeated softly. I felt Marty's cold hand gently touching my warm cheek. I glanced up, at him, seeing his blue eyes. My eyes looked over his face and stopped at his lips. They seemed to stop at his lips more often than normal. But I couldn't. Marty had his Fern. I had no one. _

_But suddenly I could taste him, feel his lips on mine. His hand went in my neck, deepening the kiss. It was a kiss of need but also a kiss of love. It was an answer. An answer to it all and much more. It was something I didn't want to live without anymore. _

Only the need of oxygen could pull our lips apart. That was something we experienced the hard way. Sandros had tried to separate us by using a water hose but it didn't work. He tried to separate us by beating the other because of the kiss, hoping that we would stop to spare the other from pain. But the pain disappeared when we kissed, when we were together. It was our escape to a better place. A kiss was all we needed to forget where we were. To forget who Sandros was and what he had done to us.

* * *

><p>'Are you serious about the job?' Stephanie asked when we were meeting for lunch downtown. I nodded and drank my coffee. Stephanie nodded impressed. 'You are really going for this guy of you. It's all real…' I smiled.<p>

'Yes it is,' I answered. 'And for it to be even more real, I want to come home after a long day of work and see him on the couch, waiting for me. He would get up and kiss me hungrily from having to miss me all day.' Stephanie started to laugh.

'Well, to make it real…I can see if they need someone at the firm I'm working,' she said to me and I immediately started to smile. Stephanie worked at a law firm as an assistant. Judging from what Stephanie told me, it wasn't a hard or demanding job. It would be perfect to start with. And I had to take a step one day. I felt like if I didn't take that step anytime soon, I would never do it. Wasting all my time at home, slowly going crazy of loneliness. I felt like I needed to go outside, meet new people. See a different surrounding.

'If you could do that…' I started to say and Stephanie put her hand on my arm.

'Of course, babe,' she told me. 'Everything to help my long lost friend to fulfill her fantasy with her sexy boyfriend.' We both started to laugh, especially when we saw the look on our waiter's face who had only heard the last part. He put our plates down and left in quite a hurry. We watched him walk away and had to laugh even more.

'He will have a nice story to tell when he gets home,' Stephanie laughed.

* * *

><p>When I got home, the lights were turned off but there were burning candles in the living room. I took off my coat and walked surprised into the living room. I smelled delicious food and Marty was smiling from the kitchen.<p>

'I expected you a few minutes later,' he told me and he kissed me when I stood next to him to see what he was cooking. 'The food is almost ready. Go sit down on the couch. Do you want some red wine?'

'Sure,' I answered and I couldn't help smiling. Rose petals were laying on the floor, the coffee table and the couch. I slowly sat down and Marty handed me a glass of wine. I looked at him. 'To what do I owe this dinner?' He gave me another kiss.

'You deserve it for being such a wonderful woman,' he told me. 'And I know you miss your sister…and I could have reacted a bit more enthusiastically when you told me you wanted to get a job. So this is my way of showing you that I support you…and showing you that I love you very much.' I laughed shyly. Marty hurried back to the kitchen to get our dinner. I melted when I saw he had made me spaghetti with meatballs.

'You remembered,' I smiled as he put the plate down.

'I listened and remembered all your stories,' Marty replied. I had told Marty about the times Beth, my mom and I watched _Lady and the Tramp_ and that those times were my happy moments. And that as a kid I would know if boy loved me if he made me spaghetti with meatballs to share. Marty smiled at me and I kissed him.

**TBC.**

**Hope everyone is having a great Christmas Day!**


	7. Chapter 7

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 6_

_I smile, you smile_

I sat on the couch, alone in our apartment. Marty had left me for the day. He had to spend his day with Hope. So I was home alone…well Monty was next to me, Marty's old was staring at me. We both didn't know what to think of each other. Monty had stayed out of my way on the day Sam had brought the dog over. Marty was so happy to see the animal. I knew he had missed Monty.

As the days passed, I started to understand why Marty loved that dog so much. That dog could steal everyone's heart by just staring at the person. Like he was doing now…I clapped my hands and Monty came walking towards me, wagging his tail. I stroked the dog's head and I saw him enjoy it. A dog had a simple life. It needed food and water and sometimes some love. And it would give you so much love back if you gave it just a little bit.

But having Monty in the apartment with me, didn't replace the emptiness, the loneliness. I missed New York. I missed my old friends. I missed my old life. A few days back I looked on my Facebook account. It was strange to see how people kept sending you messages after four years. How they reacted to your disappearance. How they reacted to your suspected death. People who promised to keep me in their prayers. It were people I hardly knew. Who I had met once when I was just a student. Who I had never spoken to again. It was the weirdest feeling to be back on Facebook.

I didn't know for who I did it. I didn't need to do it for anyone. The important people already knew. There weren't much important people in my life. It stopped with Beth. My parents died a long time ago and I had no other siblings.

But for some reason, unknown to me, I updated my Facebook account. Maybe because I wanted to know how they would react if they knew I was alive. Whether I would become a nobody again now that I was back.

* * *

><p>I had never seen Marty so happy, seen him smile so much. I just fell a bit more in love with him. Just because of his beautiful smile. He kissed me and he sat down next to me. He smelled like nature…grass and trees. It was a good smell on him and I snuggled against him.<p>

'How was your day?' I asked him. 'How was Hope?' I deliberately left out Kensi. I knew he had spent the day with her, but I didn't need to know how she was doing. I agreed to have Hope in our lives. Not Kensi.

'It was amazing,' Marty told me enthusiastically. 'We went to the park…and when we were walking, she grabbed my hand. It was such a special feeling, her tiny hand in mine. She actually grabbed my hand.' Marty looked at his hand like Hope was still holding it. 'And then, at the playground, she played with me. I had to push her on the swings, to take her to the slide. She wanted to play with me… for the first time I played with my daughter.'

'Sounds wonderful,' I smiled.

'Next time, you should come with us,' Marty said. 'You need to get to know her. She's such a special girl…well I guess every dad says that about his child…but Hope is really a special girl.' I listened at him talking so proudly about all the things Hope did. He thought she was so special, that she was like no other kid. I had to agree with him on that. There weren't much other children who were born in captivity, never seeing the sun.

But if that made her special to Marty, that was okay. Only I couldn't help feeling abandoned. I was spending my time alone in the apartment while Marty was enjoying his time with his daughter. She would become a part of our life…but now she was a part of his…not mine. I understood that Marty wanted to get to know her alone first …but I felt hurt. It was like he wanted to be with her more than with me. If I was honest, I was jealous at a three-year-old who was spending time with her dad for the first time. And because I felt jealous, I felt horrible. Why couldn't I give Hope a chance to get to know her dad? Why couldn't I give Marty this chance? He was so happy talking about Hope. It was like she was the light for Marty. Like he had been for me in our dark prison. He had been my little light.

* * *

><p>'I did it, girl!' Stephanie told me enthusiastically over the phone. 'I managed to get you a job at the firm! First they were like 'We're not hiring anyone right now.' But I told them that you needed the job and that I remembered one of the Johnson's needed a new assistant because the old one would leave. So I kind of went on my knees, begging to give you a job…and if you have ever seen me beg, you know it always works out.' I couldn't help smiling hearing my friend talk about how she got me a job. 'But if you visit us tomorrow, so that they can see who is getting the job, it will be yours.'<p>

'That is unbelievable, Steph. Thank you so much. I'm going to take you out for dinner to thank you…I'll pay for it with my first salary so you'll have to wait some time for it.' Stephanie started to laugh.

'No problem. Happy to help you…oh, I got to go. Aaron is coming over and I need to get ready. We're going to have a fun night.'

'Well, have fun on your fun night and I guess I'll see you tomorrow.' Stephanie hung up and I took a few slow breaths. I had a job. I had taken another step into our new life. No more wasting time inside. I walked back to Marty, who was sitting on the couch, watching what seemed to be the news. I sat down next to him.

'Stephanie got me a job at the law firm,' I told him and he smiled.

'That is great news!' he said and he kissed me. 'Though I will miss having you around all the time.' He pulled me onto his lap and I laughed. I leaned down to kiss him.

* * *

><p>This night I was woken up by soft crying. I looked next to me but it was empty. Marty was no longer in our bed. I grabbed a sweater on my way out of the bed and I walked on the balcony. Marty was standing there, crying. I stepped closer, next to him, and I kissed him on his cheek. He turned to me, his eyes all red and puffy from the crying.<p>

'Did I wake you?' he asked.

'I don't care,' I answered. 'I'm here for you. What is wrong?' Before Marty could tell me, he started to sob and I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close. He felt cold. He had been standing outside for some time now. How couldn't he be cold? I was even cold and I was here not even for a minute.

'It's not fair,' he cried and I rubbed circles over his back. 'My little girl was amazed when she was in the park…three years old and she has never been to a park before…she missed so much…all those things that are normal for us…she missed it all.'

'She will get all those things,' I told him. 'She's got you, Marty…you will give her all those things, I'm sure of it.'

'I don't know how to do it,' he admitted. 'She was scared of every sound in the park, Lisa. She was constantly looking around, like a deer; ready to run when needed. Do you know how hard it is to see your own child so scared?' No, I didn't know. I didn't have a child who was so scared. I didn't have a child. How could I possibly know how it felt? It was one of the few feelings that Marty and I didn't share. We shared the pain, the fear, even the luck from those four years together, but not the hurt of Hope being scared.

'She'll be traumatized for the rest of her life,' Marty sobbed. 'All she knows is that prison where her mother was held and beaten. She doesn't know the happy and fun things in life. You should have seen her when she saw the other kids at the playground. She looked at them like they were aliens. My girl had never seen others of her age…' I placed both hands on his cheeks, forcing him to look at me.

'Marty, then you should be those happy and fun things in life,' I told him. 'Be her light in the dark days, like you have been mine. You can learn her to love life out their prison. Give her what you have given me: love. Love can heal almost anything. And don't forget; you're not alone. You have me.' Marty rested his forehead against mine.

'What would I have done if I didn't have you?' he asked me and he kissed me. You would have died, I thought. We had each other to stay alive in our prison. Without the other, we would have been dead. There wouldn't have been a reason to live any longer. We were each other's saviors.

* * *

><p>Nervously I pulled on my skirt. It was the first time in a long time that I was wearing a skirt. Never needed to wear one before. But for this interview, I had to wear one. I had to make a good impression on those people of Johnson and Sons. I hope they didn't mind my tired look. I had tried to conceal it with make-up, but it wasn't working much. Arms were wrapped around me from behind and kisses were placed in my neck.<p>

'You look beautiful,' Marty whispered in my ear. 'And I love you.' I turned around in his arms and smiled. His chest was bare and he had just gotten out of bed, smelling 100% like himself, the smell I loved the most. I loved that he had gotten out bed early, just to say what he said to me. I kissed him on his lips.

'You look gorgeous,' I smiled.

'You will make a perfect first impression on those people,' Marty said. 'Otherwise they are blind and stupid and you should be glad that you won't work for them.'

'Thank you,' I said and I gave him another kiss. 'I have to go now; don't want to be late for my interview.' I managed to pull me away from Marty.

'Good luck!' he told me. 'Not that you need it, gorgeous.' I stroked his check and hurried out of the house. Stephanie was already waiting for me and I got in the car.

'Wow, girl,' she greeted while I hugged her. 'You have had some transformation. You already look like an assistant.' I took a deep breath.

'Yeah, but tell me how I'm going to explain the four year gap,' I replied.

'Think of something, non-criminal, and they will believe it,' Stephanie said. 'It will be fine…I'm pretty sure they will hire you after my begging.'

* * *

><p>'Good morning, Miss Parrello, good that you could meet us at such a short notice,' William Johnson, the owner of <em>Johnson and Sons<em>, said and he shook my hand. I smiled polity.

'Of course, Mister Johnson,' I replied. 'It was no problem.'

'Well, Miss Murray already told us something about you,' mister Johnson said. 'You were a journalist, if I'm correct.'

'Yes I was,' I answered. 'For a magazine in New York: Ewoods.'

'I have heard from it,' Mister Johnson said. 'As well as the story that one of their journalists was kidnapped and killed…' I looked shocked at the man. '…but perhaps that was only partly true because I'm guessing that she is sitting in front of me right now.' I looked down and took a deep breath. 'Don't worry, Miss Parrello, I don't care about what happened. I just want to know who I have working for me.'

'Yes, that journalist was me,' I told him.

'And that would be why there is a four year cap on your CV?' Mister Johnson asked and I nodded slowly. 'Alright, then that is clear too. I think there is no reason not to hire you, Miss Parrello.' I looked pleasantly surprised at him and Mister Johnson smiled. 'I'll introduce you to my son Paul, who you will be working for.' I couldn't say anything. Not even a thank you. I followed Mister Johnson to the office of his son. I shook Paul Johnson's hand, managing to say my name and nothing else. I was just dumbfounded.

'She spoke more when we were talking in my office,' Mister Johnson told his son, who smiled at me.

* * *

><p>'That is amazing!' Stephanie squealed over the phone and I could swear that I was hearing her jumping up and down. 'So are you going to celebrate?'<p>

'I think so…have to see how Marty is feeling.'

'Oh, he will be happy too. Has to be…after the amazing stories I heard about him. He must be the perfect guy every girl dreams of…and you have him. You better hold him tight.' I laughed and I said my goodbye to her as I heard Marty walking into the apartment. He had been out to do some groceries according to the note on the table. He had written me a note even though he couldn't be sure I was home before him. That was just so sweet. Stephanie was right: he must be that perfect guy that every girl dreams about.

'Tell me you got the job,' he said when he saw me sitting on the couch. I knew that he already knew I did. My big smile had betrayed me. I nodded and he came over to hug me. 'Congratulations! Then it's a good thing I bought this.' He grabbed one of the bags and pulled a bottle of champagne out of it.

'What if I hadn't gotten the job?' I asked him laughing.

'I didn't think that was a possibility,' he said as he filled two cups with champagne. We didn't have champagne glasses, but who cared about that right now, with such an amazing guy. 'And then we could have drunk the champagne to comfort ourselves.' He sat down next to me and kissed me. 'Too you, gorgeous, and your new job.' I didn't mind drinking to that and we took a sip of our champagne.

**TBC.**


	8. Chapter 8

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

****First of all Happy New Year everyone! And yes I'm back from my great trip to Berlin with my sister. So here's the new chapter!  
>And I discussed the story with my sister while we're in Berlin. I know it's not what everyone wants it to be...but on the other side there are people who like it. I know it's different from the other stories. But do you want only the same stories? Also no one is forcing you to read the story. I'm very sorry if you don't like the story. Hopefully you do like my other stories.<strong>**

Also I realize that Christmas has passed but I wrote this around Christmas. And Christmas is just the perfect time for family.

_Chapter 7_

_I love pictures_

_Because the best thing about them is that they never change_

_Even when the people in it do._

Everyone in Los Angeles was cheerful. It was the season. Today it was Christmas. Our first real Christmas together. Marty and I had picked out a Christmas tree for in the apartment and decorated it while listening to Christmas carols. We were feeling the Christmas spirit. We were invited by Hetty to come to the team's Christmas Dinner, like they used to do. I was as excited for the dinner as Marty. He couldn't wait to leave. I couldn't help taking my time getting ready. Checking myself in the mirror several times and then deciding to wear another dress. I knew Kensi and Hope were coming too. Marty had told me. He saw this dinner as the moment I could meet Hope. I was looking forward to meeting Hope, after all the stories Marty had told me. We agreed that he would go one time every week to see Hope. That agreement was working out fine.

'Should we bring something to the dinner?' I asked Marty, who shrugged.

'What could we bring?' he asked. 'A bottle of wine?'

'There is one on the kitchen counter,' I told him while putting on my shoes. 'The one I got from the firm.' Marty left and came back with the bottle. I looked around in our bedroom and found a piece of ribbon. I put it on the bottle to make it look more special.

'Are you ready?' Marty asked and I made a little pirouette. 'You look beautiful.'

'You look quite handsome yourself,' I laughed and I kissed him. Marty looked so handsome in a tux. Not quite. I rather stayed home when he looked like that. But Marty wanted to go and he wanted to go right now.

* * *

><p>Hetty's house was huge and completely in Christmas style. A big Christmas tree stood in the middle of the room. Marty handed Hetty the bottle and we were givem something to drink. Almost everyone had already arrived. We only had to wait for Eric. Marty immediately went over to little Hope, who looked so sweet in her Christmas outfit. He gestured me to come over.<p>

'Hope, this is Lisa,' he introduced me and I gave her a little wave. She hid her face into Marty's shoulder. He laughed. 'She's quite shy. Hope, I told you about Lisa, remember?' I saw her nod a little bit.

'Nice to meet you, Hope,' I said. 'You look very beautiful.' I got some muttering back and Marty smiled.

'She says you look very beautiful too,' he told me and I smiled. Marty stood up, forcing Hope to let go for a second. He pulled me close to him, kissing my cheek.

'Hey, Deeks,' Sam greeted.

'Hey, Sam,' Marty smiled, turning around. 'Where are the wife and daughter? You left them at home?'

'Yes, the little girl is sick,' Sam said disappointed. 'I could have brought her over but we can't have her throw up on Hetty's stuff. I don't have a place to hide.' Marty and Sam laughed and I looked at them, not understanding what was so funny.

* * *

><p>'All alone?' Callen asked as he sat down next to me. I was sitting on the terrace looking at Hetty's gorgeous garden. I wished we had a garden at the apartment. I turned to Callen.<p>

'Yes,' I answered and I took a sip of my wine. Callen didn't seem to get that I wanted to be alone and he sat down next to me. We sat in silence and looked at the garden. I couldn't help looking at him every once in a while. He didn't look like how Marty had described him. He seemed older and more serious. But maybe that had changed over the years. The years we were locked up. He was the team leader; maybe he felt guilty for Marty's and Kensi's disappearance.

'So what do you think of LA?' he asked, trying to start the conversation.

'It's okay,' I answered. 'Weird having Christmas with this kind of weather. I'm used to snow with Christmas. But it starts to feel like home…though I miss New York sometimes.' Callen nodded.

'New York is great too,' he agreed. 'A different city from LA.' And now I nodded in agreement. It was a bit awkward talking with Callen. He tried to talk but I felt that he found it awkward too.

'How is living with Kensi and Hope?' I asked him, hoping to get to know something about Kensi. Maybe some bad habits as Marty usually only talked about the good things.

'Good though not easy,' Callen answered. 'You know: nightmares and stuff. I think it's the same with you…but Hope is a great kid. Scared but great. She starts to loosen up a bit: walking around the house, leaving Kensi's side for longer than a minute. So I think that's good.' I took a deep breath and I fully faced Callen.

'Did you know about Kensi's and Marty's relationship?' I asked him and he smiled.

'Everyone knew about their relationship,' he answered. 'Maybe even before they knew and surely before they actually had a relationship. What started as a partnership turned into friendship which turned into a relationship.'

'Wasn't it weird?' I wondered. 'Them working together while they were in a relationship? Was it even allowed?'

'It was allowed because they worked so perfectly together,' Callen explained and I sighed. That wasn't something I wanted to hear. 'They would put themselves in danger rather than the other. They had each other's back. That was all that mattered to me and Hetty. And they kept it out of the office. Though we didn't know what was going to happen long term as they weren't together that long…But it was obvious that they loved each other.'

* * *

><p>Hope had the cutest laugh. She made me smile when I heard it. It was a laugh you wanted to hear. A laugh that would cheer you up no matter what. I stood in the door entrance to the garden watching Marty play with his daughter. He held her up high, like she was an airplane. And all Hope did was laugh.<p>

'It's the best thing ever, isn't it?' a voice next to me said. 'Seeing father and daughter together.' I looked to my right and saw Hetty standing next to me. The fearless boss whom everyone else feared. But when I saw her, she didn't scare me. When she talked to me, she didn't scare me. You had to be in the family to understand, I guessed and right now, I was outside of it. It didn't matter I was with Marty. Our relationship didn't make me a part of the family.

'Give them some time to let you enter,' Hetty said. 'It's a tight knit family.' I turned my head to Hetty, who had a little smile on her face. I had to admit that that was kind of scary. It was like she knew. 'Marty and Kensi have a history, but you should keep in mind that you and Marty are going to have a future.' I forced myself to give the woman a smile. She patted my arm and stepped into the room.

'I hope everyone is ready for dinner,' she announced. 'Because dinner is ready.' Marty put Hope back on the floor and he walked with her to the table, holding her little hand. I had to admit that he was a perfect dad. He did all the right things to make Hope feel so special, like a good dad did. And most of times it were the small things like making her smile and holding her hand that meant the most.

* * *

><p>I had to admit that the dinner had turned out to be different than I had thought. Hetty was a brilliant cook and I couldn't stop eating till I felt like I was going to explode and I didn't feel left out in the conversation. They made sure that most of the times I was a part of it. We were drinking some coffee and tea with some chocolate right now and talking some more. Hope was asleep in her mother's arm and I noticed Marty looking at her every once in a while but I was no longer bothered with it. I understood. His arm was around my shoulder and he gave me a quick kiss once he saw me looking.<p>

'We heard that you had a job,' Sam said to me and I nodded.

'At Johnson and Sons,' I told him. 'A law firm downtown. A friend helped me to get the job and it turned out to be a good and fun job. I love going to work, get back a rhythm.' Sam nodded.

'Sounds good,' he said. 'And what about you, Deeks? Any plans for a job?'

'I'm looking around,' Marty answered and I noticed his expression became a little sad. I laid my hand on his knee. We had talked about jobs. He loved being a cop but he knew he wasn't going to be one soon. Too much stuff that was left unresolved. He wasn't fit to be detective Deeks again.

'What about you, Kensi?' I asked. I realized it was the first time I spoke with Kensi and I came with a question about work…Nice move, I told myself.

'Right now Hope is taking up all my time,' she answered and I nodded, looking at the little girl in her arms. Of course, I could have known that. Hope wasn't a child you could drop of at daycare while you went to work.

'I think it's time for a picture,' Hetty announced as an uncomfortable silence fell and everyone stood up. I stood up a second later, not knowing what was expected from me. Should I be in the picture, their family picture? But Hetty didn't give me much time to think it over as she pushed me towards Marty, who pulled me against with him. Standing there with them, gave me a special feeling. Like I was step closer to the family. I knew this was an annual happening: Christmas dinner with a picture of all of them. I had seen them on the mantelpiece. A picture for every year they had survived together.

* * *

><p>I felt nervous being in my own home. Marty had brought Kensi and Hope over. He wanted to have Hope with him on Christmas Day, to give her the Christmas presents. But Kensi didn't feel comfortable Hope sleeping over at our place alone. Like we would take her away. So Kensi and Hope were sleeping both at the apartment. And that made me feel nervous. I was at home with my boyfriend, his child and his ex. It didn't sound like it was supposed to be. Though I understood that Marty wanted to spend Christmas morning with Hope since he never really had one when he was young.<p>

I was probably more nervous than every child that night. I hardly slept at all and the morning came way too soon. And I didn't understand why I felt like it. Marty was my boyfriend, Kensi had no indication of being interested in Marty and Hope was just Marty's sweet daughter. Maybe it wasn't like I saw us spending our first real Christmas together.

When I walked into the kitchen around five am, I noticed I wasn't the only one who had a hard time sleeping. Kensi was sitting at the bar. I took a breath and walked into the kitchen, filling a glass with water.

'Did I make a sound?' she asked me, shocked of seeing me and clearly disturb.

'No, you didn't,' I answered quickly. 'I'm having a hard time sleeping.' Kensi nodded. 'Do you want also something to drink? Some water? Tea? Anything stronger?'

'Some water,' she answered and I filled another glass. I sat down next to her and for a moment we just sat there, drinking our water.

'Some Christmas, huh?' Kensi said and I nodded.

'You said it,' I said and when it felt my mouth, I winced. I didn't want to sound so grumpy. Like she and Hope weren't welcome. 'I mean…'

'I know what you mean,' Kensi told me. 'This wasn't the Christmas you had in mind: spending it with me and Hope. Don't worry, I also had a different Christmas in my mind. But Hope really wanted to spend it with her father…'

'…and Marty with his daughter,' I added. 'He spent quite some time buying presents for her. He really wants a perfect first Christmas with her. I think she will be really spoiled today.'

'As long as they're happy,' Kensi said. 'That's all that matters to me. And right now, they are happy…Marty is really happy with you, Lisa.' I sighed. Why couldn't she be easy to hate? Why did she have to be so nice that I hated myself for thinking bad about her.

* * *

><p>'Merry Christmas,' Marty greeted me and he kissed me. He said the same to Kensi but hugged her instead. Hope was following him, still in her pajamas, like any child should be dressed in at Christmas morning. I grabbed my camera as Marty led Hope to the Christmas tree. I had promised him to take many pictures of her first Christmas. I took a few pictures of Marty and Hope next to the tree and one of Kensi, as she watched Hope like a proud mother. It was a look that suited her, the proud, loving mother.<p>

'Give it to mommy,' Marty told Hope and he pointed at Hope. The little girl turned around with a smile and walked over to Kensi, balancing the big present. Kensi laughed as she took the present over and I snapped few more pictures. This was surely a moment that needed to be documented. Marty stood next me, his arms around my waist. Hope was already back at the tree grabbing another present. This time one of her own and I stood ready to snap a few pictures as she unwrapped her present.

'Mommy!' she said enthusiastically as she held up a soft stuffed dog. Then she pointed at Monty, who was laying lazily in the corner of the room. 'Dog!' It was the first time I heard Hope speak and she had a sweet voice. It was just such a sweet little girl. Kensi walked over to Hope, kneeling down.

'That is right,' she replied. 'That is a nice dog.' Hope giggled and she hugged the stuffed dog. I turned to Marty and smiled as I saw the loving look towards his daughter. It was obvious that the girl had stolen his heart in those couple of weeks. She had even stolen my heart just now. Maybe it wasn't that bad to spend Christmas with them.

**TBC.**

**I hope everyone liked to see Deeks and Hope together and also some more Kensi. **


	9. Chapter 10

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 8_

_Sorry the world is so cruel._

_Hang in there_

Stephanie pulled me into a hug when I came back to work, asking how my Christmas had been. Shocked I patted her back, waiting for her to let go. It took her quite some time to let go and I put my handbag on my desk.

'You missed me?' I asked and Stephanie laughed.

'No…maybe…Aaron left at Christmas Eve because of some business trip,' she answered. 'I had to spend Christmas with my awful stepbrother who thinks he's brilliant, and his 'amazing' wife and kids. I wish I died, several times…on Christmas…' I shook my head laughing.

'I thought I would wish I was dead, several times…on Christmas,' I told her. 'But it turned out to be a good Christmas. First dinner with Marty's friends, who are his family…and Christmas Day with Kensi and Hope. And maybe unbelievable: I like Kensi. She's nice. And of course little Hope, who is just so sweet. My Christmas was actually really nice.' Stephanie looked at me with a playful smile.

'Never thought you would say nice and Kensi in the same sentence,' she said. 'You seemed to hate her…and I don't blame you. You should protect your man.' I laughed. I did that every time when Stephanie referred to Marty as man. It sounded so silly.

'Good morning, ladies,' Paul Johnson greeted as he walked to his office. 'I hoped you had a pleasant Christmas.'

'Of course,' we replied at the same time and Paul walked laughing inside his office.

'He is actually kind of hot,' Stephanie noted, watching his ass. I slapped her playfully against her arm. 'What? Looking is allowed you know!'

'Aaron should stay more at home,' I said while I sat down behind my desk, ready to begin my workday. Because when I got home, we would have a challenging day. Hope was staying over at our place tonight, without Kensi.

* * *

><p>'Lisa, do you have the file on Miss Brown?' Paul asked when he walked out his office with his coat already on. I handed him the file. 'Alright, I'm going to the meeting with Miss Brown and won't be back until three.' I nodded and wrote it down.<p>

'Done,' I told him and Paul smiled. 'Good luck with your meeting.' Miss Brown was notorious in the office. She was always suing someone for the most stupid reasons. But as long as they paid…I sighed when the phone rang. Stephanie looked curiously as I answered it.

'Good afternoon, Johnson and Sons. You're speaking with Lisa Parrello, how can I help you?' Stephanie was making distracting faces at me while I tried to concentrate on what the caller was saying.

'No, I'm sorry. Mister P. Johnson isn't in right now. He's in a meeting. Can I connect you with one of the other Mister Johnson?' I gestured to Stephanie to stop. Suddenly I saw Callen and Sam walk into the office. I pointed at the men and Stephanie started to smile. I rolled with my eyes.

'Mister Patel, I'll call you back once Mister P. Johnson is back. That will be in about four hours.' I quickly hung up the phone and walked over to Callen and Sam.

'Hello Callen and Sam,' I greeted them before Stephanie had the opportunity to speak to Callen. 'What are you doing here?'

'Hey, Lisa,' Sam said.

'We're looking for Armstrong Johnson,' Callen answered and I looked questioningly at him but he wasn't giving me anymore.

'I'll check if he's here,' I told them and I called his secretary. I wondered if they were here because of a case. Was Mister Johnson a suspect?

* * *

><p>'Are they here for Armstrong?' Stephanie repeated as I told her that and I nodded. 'But he was the good son. Always behaving…unlike your or mine Johnson. What could he have done? Killed a Navy guy?'<p>

'Or information about a case,' I suggested. 'When NCIS comes, it doesn't immediately mean that he killed someone…' I looked up surprised when I saw Paul walking out the elevator. I walked over to him and he handed me his coat and suitcase.

'Cancel all my meetings today,' he told me. 'Family matters.'

'Of course,' I said and I walked back to Stephanie, stunned.

'But I think that that means that Armstrong killed someone,' Stephanie noted as William also hurried out of his office. 'The boss never walks out of his office when it isn't lunch break of end of the day. Armstrong is in serious trouble.' I hang Paul's coat and put his suitcase away.

'I need to call Paul's appointments,' I said to Stephanie. 'And I think you also need to start calling people.' Anne Johnson, Stephanie's boss, came walking out of her office towards us. Stephanie hurried to her boss and I grabbed the phone, preparing myself for a lot of annoying people. The workday just became a lot less easy. Tonight wasn't going to be as challenging as my workday.

* * *

><p>I was exhausted when I got home. It had been so hectic at the firm. All day stress about canceling meetings and worrying about Armstrong. Stephanie had decided that he had killed several Navy personal as Callen and Sam stayed in Armstrong's office several hours. I couldn't help laughing at her theory. I had met a serial killer and Armstrong was nothing like him. Armstrong was always nice, to everyone. Even to Miss Brown.<p>

'Hey, long day at work?' Marty asked and he took my handbag and coat from me.

'Very long and very busy,' I told him and I wrapped my arms around his neck. 'But I'm home now and it's all better.' I kissed him.

'We already ate dinner,' he told me and I remembered that Hope was here for the night. 'She was really hungry. I'm going to heat it up for you.' I sat down at the bar, not bothering to sit at the table. I just wanted some food.

'So what did you do today with Hope?' I asked him and his face lit up again. I only had to mention his name and he started to smile. That had to be the purest form of love: the love a parent feels for their child.

'We went to the beach and if I ever doubted that she was my child, I now know for certain,' Marty said. 'She loved it at the beach. I never saw her so relaxed.'

'Beach has a clear view for several miles,' I explained. 'No surprise attacks. She can see everything coming from far. That is probably what made her feel safe and able to relax so easily. It's all about safety…' I saw Marty looking curiously at me. 'I once wrote an article about a kidnap victim, before I was one myself, and he told me the same. How the beach was the only place he would feel safe and at ease. I found it difficult to understand at that time…but now, I understand completely. Sometimes you need to experience before understanding.' Marty took my hands in his.

'I'll take you to the beach,' he promised me and I smiled. I stroked his cheek before he turned to the stove to get my dinner.

* * *

><p>It was almost impossible to hide any further into Marty's arms, but Hope seemed to keep trying. We were sitting on the couch, watching <em>Winnie the Pooh<em>, Marty between us, acting like a safety wall for Hope. It did hurt me a little bit that the girl seemed to be so scared of me. Like I was a threat. But on the other side it was okay. All she needed right now was feeling safe with at least some people and if I wasn't one of them right now, that was okay. We could work on that.

'What was going on at your work?' Marty asked as he looked away from the TV to face me. I sighed.

'Callen and Sam walked into the building,' I started to tell. 'They wanted to talk with Armstrong Johnson, one of the sons. William, the dad, and Paul and Anne all canceled their appointments and walked into Armstrong's office. I don't even know if Callen and Sam left around the time Anne told me and the others to leave…and if they left with Armstrong. Stephanie is sure Armstrong is a serial killer…and Monica believes that Armstrong helped cover something up…'

'I can call them if you want,' Marty suggested and I sighed. He was just so sweet. Why was he always this sweet to me?

'No,' I answered, head shaking. 'I will hear it eventually. Stephanie always knows all the gossip within a day at work.' Marty nodded and he turned back to the screen. I leaned against him. I felt like a family…me and Marty as parents with Hope as the child and we had even the dog, Monty, but it was surely a strange family.

'I got a job,' Marty suddenly said and my head snapped at him.

'Where?' I asked him, wanting to know more about this update.

'On the beach,' he answered me. 'Me, Hope and Monty were there…and I saw this surf shop where they were looking for people. I walked in and applied. I got the job…just like that.' I couldn't help myself when I squealed and I hugged him.

'That's great!' I told him enthusiastic. Marty shrugged.

'It's just a job,' he said and he looked at Hope, who had fallen asleep. 'I'm going to put her to bed now. Can you turn the TV off?' My enthusiasm disappeared fairly quickly when he walked away with Hope in his arms. This job might mean for him his acceptance that he was no longer LAPD detective Marty Deeks. Even when he was a cop at heart.

* * *

><p>It took me a moment to place the screaming that woke me up. It was too high to be Marty's and when I glanced next to me, his side of the bed was empty. That was when I realized it was Hope. She was the one screaming in utter fear. Knowing it was the little girl broke my heart. She was so young and should be so innocent. She already had been through enough misery for the rest of her life. I decided against going to her bedroom, but I couldn't stay in bed so I went to the living room, making a cup of tea. Monty came over to me and I stroked his head. Patiently I waited for the screaming to stop, for Marty to come out. I wondered if I should call Kensi. Let her know what was going on. But I guessed that Marty needed this moment with Hope. To show his daughter that he was there for her. That he would protect her like a true hero. So that he could become her hero like most dads were their daughters' heroes at Hope's age. After a long time sitting in the living room, Marty came walking out of Hope's bedroom. When he saw me, he broke down and started to cry. I walked over to him and took him in my arms.<p>

'It's going to be okay,' I told him softly and I rubbed circles on his back. It was hard for Marty to see Hope like this. I knew he wanted to give her the perfect childhood he never had. But this wasn't the childhood he was able to give her right now. Hope couldn't have a perfect childhood. Though with Marty she could have a good childhood.

* * *

><p>'I know what happened yesterday,' was the first thing Stephanie told me when she picked me up. I looked over my shoulder, seeing Marty standing behind the window of the living room with Hope next to him, giving me a little wave. I smiled and got in the car, ready to hear Stephanie's story.<p>

'So what happened?' I asked her.

'It's horrible news,' she told me. 'Armstrong was married, right?' I nodded. Everyone knew that at the firm. 'Well, his wife Valery was killed yesterday. She's in the navy. That is why Callen and Sam came to the office. They wanted to know where Armstrong was at the time of the murder and if everything was okay with the marriage.'

'Oh my,' I mumbled. That was indeed horrible news. I never had the chance to meet Valery but I had seen the pictures in Armstrong's office. His family pictures; he, Valery and their two sons.

'How is he holding up?' I asked her, like she would know. 'And his sons?'

'I have no idea,' Stephanie answered. 'But maybe we hear more today. Though we're probably spending all our time to clear our bosses' schedules.' I sighed and closed my eyes. This wasn't what I needed after last night.

'Okay, more trouble,' Stephanie said and I opened my eyes again. The road was closed. Stephanie parked her car at a close-by parking area. We both got out of the car, looking at all the police officers standing around the building, keeping bystanders at distance.

'Do you see Callen or Sam?' Stephanie asked me while she tried to search for them. 'They probably can tell us what is going on.' We had to step aside when a car arrived and I recognized the people inside. It were Callen and Sam. I immediately walked over to the car.

'What is going on?' I asked them. 'Why can't we get inside?'

'There might be a bomb inside,' Sam told me. 'Bomb squad is checking every floor.' I heard Stephanie gasped beside me and I looked dumb folded at the men in front of me. It had been 5 weeks and again there was crime around me. Only five weeks. I thought those four years would be enough for a long time. But then again, it was LA. There would always be crime. There was no way to avoid it.

'No one is inside,' Callen told me. 'Bomb squad will find the bomb and make sure the building is secure. But I don't think you'll be working today.' Suddenly we noticed that the police officers started to push everyone more back, shouting loudly.

'Get behind the car!' Sam shouted to us and Callen pushed me and Stephanie behind the car. We were safely behind the car when the building exploded and dusk came right over us.

**TBC.**

****School started again =( and it's a busy time. Papers are due, teaching the third grade and exams are coming =( Sorry when it takes a while to update! ****


	10. Chapter 11

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 9_

_I always have this fear that one day_

_You are going to discover_

_That I'm not as great_

_As you once thought I was_.

Chaos was all around us. Stephanie had taken my hand and held it tightly. I had closed my eyes, only hearing all the yelling from LAPD and the fire men. A hand on my shoulder made me open my eyes and I was looking at Callen.

'Are you okay, Lisa?' he asked me worried and I slowly nodded. I was okay. Just a little bit covered in dust. I stood up and was shocked when I turned around. The building where I used to work had crashed down to the ground. There was not much left beside the door. I just stared at it, not knowing what to do.

'Oh my God,' Stephanie whispered next to me and I looked at her. She was covered in dust as well. Everyone who was close enough was covered in dust. I looked to my right where Sam was talking on the phone. He looked pissed.

'Are you both okay?' Callen asked me and again I nodded, still not finding words to speak. 'Good. I'll get you an officer to take you home.' I watched the officer he gestured to come, walk towards us. The officer let us to his car.

'Did you see what was left?' Stephanie asked shocked. 'A freaking bomb! What if we had been inside? Then we would be dead right now! Holy something! We could have died!' I looked at Stephanie as she was rambling. This had been her first time to be so close to her death. For me it wasn't. I had been even closer to dead than this bomb. This time we were at a safe distance, behind a car with two special agents. I actually felt safe. It was not like the other times.

* * *

><p><em>Nerves were racing through my body. I was waiting for the people to leave the plane so that I could leave as well. Why were so many people going to LA? Were they all going here to enjoy the beach and the sun? To spot some celebrities? I wish I was on my way to the beach. The flight had been tiring. I had spent my time reading about Pedro Sandros. Reading all about his crimes.<em>

'_Come on!' I said frustrated when a woman dropped all her stuff on the floor, slowing everyone down. 'I have to go! Move on!'_

'_Calm down, lady,' another man told me. _

'_Don't tell me what to do,' I told the man angrily. I had enough of people telling me what to do. 'Write this article about penguins. It'll be cute.' 'Write this about that wedding! People are going to love it!' No, this time I was writing what I wanted to write. With this article I was going to make it. That was if I got out of this plane any time soon. The woman finally had gathered her stuff and the other passengers were moving along. I stuffed the last things in my bag and I walked out of the plane. The sun was blinding. It was so different from New York. I took a deep breath and continued walking. This would be my moment. I stopped a cab and got inside._

'_To this hotel please,' I told the driver and I handed him the address. The man nodded and he drove away. I leaned back and took a moment to look out of the window. Suddenly the cab stopped and two other men got inside._

'_What the he…' I started but I shut my mouth when I was facing a gun barrel._

* * *

><p>'<em>Hello Miss Parrello,' the gunman said. 'Lovely to meet you…but you got here at the wrong time, and for the wrong reason. I know someone who would like to talk to you.'<em>

_Another fist hit my face with full force and I heard my nose crack. I didn't feel the pain anymore. I was barely conscious. Sandros pressed a gun against my chin, with the safety off._

'_Now tell me why you are so interested in me!' he demanded. I felt the urge to tell him everything. I knew what he was capable of. He had witnesses disappear and their families killed. Sandros was a man without a heart or feelings. He was a cold blooded killer._

'_Tell me and I will spare you,' he told me and I looked him in his eyes. 'Who are you working for?'_

'_I'm a journalist for Ewoods,' I told him. _

'_That I know but Ewoods isn't the magazine to have any interest in me,' Sandros said after hitting me again. 'So tell me for what agency you're working! Which one are you working for?' I shook my head and he put the gun against my forehead. I closed my eyes. This was it. This was the moment. And all I could think about was Beth. My little sister would never be able to deal with my death. I couldn't care about myself. Soon I was no longer on this earth. So all I could think about was my sweet sister._

_But before I heard the shot, I felt an excruciating pain at my jaw and all became black._

* * *

><p>I shuddered at the thought of my first meeting with Sandros. Sometimes I could still feel that gun pressed against my forehead. In our prison I had wished several times that he had pulled that trigger, finishing it all. Because that first meet was just the first of many times. Beatings, drawings and electrocutions had followed. And I knew I had died but Sandros had ordered them to revive me. Bring me back to the hell.<p>

'Miss?' the officer asked, pulling me back to the car and I looked at him. 'We are at your apartment? Do you need me to come inside or is it okay?'

'It's okay,' I smiled. 'My boyfriend is inside.' The officer nodded and I got out of the car. I waved goodbye at Stephanie and I walked to the front door. I smiled at the thought of Marty inside. I wanted him to hold me. Monty surprised me by jumping at me when I walked inside. I stroked the dog.

'Hello, boy,' I greeted him. 'Where is your owner?' I dropped my bag next to the door and I searched the apartment. To my surprise it was empty. Marty wasn't home. Hope had been with him…maybe they had gone to the beach, where little Hope felt so safe. Monty was walking in circles around me. But why hadn't Marty taken the dog with them? I took Monty's leash as he needed to walk. We walked to the beach in case we would run into Marty and Hope. But LA had a lot of beach and there was no chance of actually running into them. I took a deep breath, trying to lose all the excitement of this morning. After some time walking, I sat down in the sand. Just looking at the waves coming and going onto the beach. Just relaxing. Monty was laying like a true dog next to me in the sand.

* * *

><p>The sound of a key in the lock made me put down my laptop. I walked to the door to greet Marty. But it wasn't just Marty walking inside. Kensi with a tired Hope in her arms followed him inside. I stared dumb folded at them. Why was Kensi here? Why was she with them? Marty seemed surprised and shocked to see me.<p>

'Hey, Lisa,' he greeted confused and he gave me a quick kiss. 'You're home early.'

'Yeah,' I answered slowly, looking at Kensi and Hope. 'There was a bomb at the firm…Callen and Sam were there as well…they put us behind a car when the bomb detonated. I have been home since ten o'clock…I didn't know we would have guests…' Marty also looked at Kensi, who seemed uncomfortable.

'Yes…well…Hope wanted to have Kensi with her,' he explained and I nodded.

'Well, then I better change,' I told him. I was wearing a comfortable, but not that clean, sweatpants and one of Marty's t-shirts. Marty nodded and I went to our bedroom. There I took a deep breath. What was going on? Why did I feel like this when I saw Kensi and Hope? But I knew. Hope wasn't the problem. Kensi was. When Marty was with Hope, I could still be a part of it but when he was with Hope _and_ Kensi, it felt like there was no place for me. I opened the closet when my phone started to vibrate. At first I wanted to ignore it. Get dressed as quickly as possible. But I saw it was Stephanie. I thought she might needed me so I answered the phone call.

'Li! I saw your Marty just a few minutes ago, with Kensi and Hope at the beach…' I sighed. Yeah, they now had come home.

'I already know, Steph. They are in the living room right now…joining us for dinner.'

'No, Li, you don't understand. They were at the beach and if I didn't know it was Marty, I would have sworn that they were a little happy family. You should have seen them. You should watch him.' I didn't know what to say to say to Stephanie. I remember the smile on Marty's face when he got inside. My stomach turned at the thought. I hadn't thought anything of it, but now…

* * *

><p>Sharing a little smile, looking at her…I took a sip from my wine. Marty gave me a smile but I couldn't return it. Not now. Instead I looked at Hope, who was more playing with her food than actually eating it. I glanced at Kensi, who was looking at her food.<p>

'Remember when we had to waltz?' Marty smiled and Kensi nodded. Then he turned to me. 'Hetty demanded that we waltzed. So that we could work harmonized together.'

'Yeah, and you kept stepping on my toes!' Kensi smiled and I couldn't help sighing. How wonderful that they waltzed together. Why did I need to know that?

'And Sam's face when he realized that he and Callen were next to waltz,' Marty laughed and now I had to smile as well. I could imagine what Sam's face had looked like. The big ex-SEAL having to dance with his partner. That was something I would want to see.

'So what did you three do today?' I asked them to change the subject a little closer to the present.

'Well, Hope and I went to the beach because…well I told you about the last time at the beach,' Marty started to tell. 'And after some time, Hope wanted to know if Kensi could come as well. She really wanted to be at the beach with her mom.' Fifteen seconds. 'So I called Kensi and she came to the beach. We played at the beach, took her into the water…' Five seconds for me. 'And she got a giant ice cream and she ate it all…which is probably why the little monkey isn't eating right now.' Hope looked up and gave Marty the sweetest smile I had ever seen. A smile that told me that she loved him. Told me that to her, he was her hero. I smiled a little when I saw Marty looking at me again. He gave me a smile back and he looked at Kensi again. I sighed and I stood up.

'Anyone else want something to drink?' I asked them and when they both shook their heads, I walked to the kitchen. There I took a deep sight. This wasn't the day I had planned. Not at all.

* * *

><p>I was brushing my teeth when Marty walked into the bathroom and he wrapped his arms around my waist. I pulled myself loose to spit in the sink. In the mirror I saw him looking questioningly at me. I acted like I didn't see it. I didn't want to discuss the dinner or Kensi. I just wanted to get some sleep and forget this day.<p>

I had hardly eaten anything. I had only drunk wine and was feeling a little light headed. I didn't know what would come out of my mouth if I would talk with Marty right now. The entire dinner I had focused on Marty and Kensi. All these things I saw. A smile, a laugh and even a look. It had driven me crazy. I looked at Marty and I saw his saddened expression. Sad because of my reaction. I didn't want to see him like that. Maybe I had seen it because I had focused on it. It could mean nothing. They were friends.

But what Stephanie told me before dinner was in my mind. '_A little happy family_'

**TBC.**

**Hope you liked it**


	11. Chapter 12

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 10_

_A morning text does not simply mean_

"_Good morning"_

_Rather is comes with the silent, loving message_

"_I think of you when I wake up."_

Two weeks without Kensi coming over. Two weeks without work. Still a destroyed firm. Still two weeks sitting at home. It would have been nice but I hated it. I had been invited for the funeral of Valery Johnson. I went with Stephanie. Marty told me he didn't want to go. He wasn't able to be close to death yet. It disappointed me but I understood.

A buzzing woke me up from my sleep. I turned over to face Marty, who grabbed his cell phone. He smiled when he looked to the screen. He hit a few keys and put the phone down again. I snuggled up against him and he kissed me on my head.

'Good morning,' he greeted with this heartwarming smile.

'Good morning,' I greeted back, sounding very sleepy to myself. I had trouble sleeping. Ever since the bomb. Ever since the dinner with Hope and Kensi. Absently Marty stroked my arm. He immediately grabbed his phone when it started to buzz again.

'Who is texting you this early?' I asked him, trying to look at his screen, but I was too slow and Marty put his phone away again.

'Nothing important,' Marty answered and he turned to me, holding me in his arms. 'At least not important enough to leave you.'

'Do you have to go to work?' I asked him while I stroked his arm. I wanted him to say 'no'. To say that he was going to stay with me. I had had it with spending the day alone, with Monty. The dog was great, but spending so much time with the animal wasn't. But looking at Marty, I knew he had to go to work.

'I'm sorry,' he whispered at me and suddenly he let me go. Cold air put goose bumps on my skin, missing his warmth already. I watched him walk into the bathroom and decided to get out of bed as well. There was no longer a need to stay in. I could make Marty coffee and breakfast, doing something useful like I would do the rest of the day. Maybe I could meet Stephanie somewhere, like we did the day before yesterday and four times last week.

* * *

><p>'So he was texting someone when you two were laying in bed?' Stephanie asked me as we sat on a terrace downtown in the warm sun, enjoying our drink. I nodded. That was what happened. Stephanie shook her head laughing. 'You can't let something like that happen. When a man is in bed with you, he should pay attention to you. Texts or calls shouldn't matter. If Aaron even looked at his phone when he's in bed with me…I would kill him!' I laughed at my silly friend.<p>

'So everything is still going good between you and Aaron?' I asked her, trying to change the subject. I didn't feel like discussing the phone situation.

'Everything is going better than good,' Stephanie answered with a sneaky smile on her face. 'We're catching up on our lost time. It is kind of hard to have a long distance relationship with a guy like Aaron…but back to the text: who did he text with?'

'He didn't tell me,' I answered and Stephanie raised her eyebrow. 'What! I can give him some privacy, right?' Stephanie shook her head and she leaned closer to me.

'You have to get his phone to see who was texting him,' she whispered to me. 'I bet it was Kensi. I swear: something is up with those two.'

'Yeah, they have a daughter together,' I told her and Stephanie crossed her arms.

'You're too good and trustful for this world,' she said. 'It is like you don't know how the world works right now.' Hurtful I looked away. I had missed a lot of the world right now. I was still discovering everything that had happened in those four years that my time stood still. I glanced up when Stephanie's hand touched my arm.

'Hey, I'm sure you know Marty,' she said gently. 'If you trust him, I trust him too. I just care about you. You are my friend, my best friend.' I smiled weakly and she pulled me in a hug.

* * *

><p>Stephanie's suggestion of needing to read those texts didn't leave my mind. All day it was in my head. It was driving me crazy. I was pacing in the living room. Thinking how I would get my hands on his phone. Thinking I shouldn't do it. Thinking I had to do it, just so that I knew for sure. The sound of the door opening, shocked me and it made me jump. I turned and saw Marty standing, with a playful smile on his face. He stepped closer, cupping my face and kissing it gently. All my thoughts disappeared with that kiss. When our lips parted, I looked at him.<p>

'What was that for?' I asked him, laughing. Marty gestured me to stay standing right where I was standing and he walked away. Curiously I tried to see what he was doing. He came back with a little box.

'What do you have there?' I asked him laughing shyly. I felt my cheeks becoming hotter and I knew I was blushing. Marty grabbed my hand.

'Because I love you…I wanted to do something special,' he told me. 'To give you something special. Something that is really from me.' He let my hand go to open the box and I gasped when I saw what was inside. It was a beautiful silver necklace. The hanger was a silver heart with a small pink stone in it. It was gorgeous. I couldn't help tearing up a little bit when Marty put the necklace around my neck.

'Best place for this necklace,' he smiled. 'It looks beautiful on you.' I laughed and I kissed him. Why did he give me this present? Why did I deserve this?

'Thank you so much,' I said and I kissed him.

'This isn't all,' he told me. 'Put on one of your beautiful dresses. I'm taking you out for dinner. You have been inside for enough time.' I surprised myself by giggling and I hurried to our bedroom.

* * *

><p>He didn't take me to just a restaurant. It was a very expensive restaurant, where we normally would never eat. But Marty insisted on going there. He had reserved a table. He told me he wanted to spoil me this evening. So I let him guide me to our table, with a constant smile on my face.<p>

'Mr. and Mrs. Deeks?' the waiter greeted with a smile and I looked at Marty, blushing. 'I'm your waiter for this beautiful evening? Would you like something to drink?' Marty ordered some wine while I could only look at him. There was something different. First of all Marty was wearing a tuxedo and I loved seeing him in one. It made him so sexy.

'You don't mind, right?' he asked me and I had no idea where he was talking about. 'That I reserved for Mr. and Mrs. Deeks?'

'No, of course not,' I answered. 'This is amazing…but still I don't know why…'

'Well, it is a new year,' Marty started to explain. 'A year where everything will be different. The first year we're free again. I thought it was nice to celebrate that. To celebrate our time together.' He took my hand and rubbed it softly with his thumb. I didn't know what to say. It was so sweet of Marty to do something like this.

'I also think it's nice to celebrate that,' I smiled. The waiter came to the table with our wine. When we both had a filled glass, we took a moment to toast on our first free year.

* * *

><p>The park was beautiful at this time of the night. Or it was just because I was with Marty walking there. Our dinner had been amazing, just like the night. He had made sure that the night was perfect. All because I deserved it according to him. Hand in hand we walked through the quiet park, not yet ready to go home. Not yet ready to end this magical night.<p>

'Did you have a good night?' he asked me unsurely. It wasn't the first time he had asked it. It was so sweet of him that he wanted to give me a good night. I stopped walking to face him, taking both his hands.

'It was wonderful, Marty,' I smiled and I kissed him. A kiss telling him how great the night had been. How much I loved him for doing this. He replied the kiss with relieve. Relieve for the wonderful night. It was all we needed at that moment.

'I love you,' I whispered at him and he replied with a powerful, mind-blowing kiss.

'Let's head home,' Marty smiled and he pulled me gently towards the entrance. I started to laugh and we walked home, to continue our wonderful night.

* * *

><p>Somehow I couldn't sleep that night. I just lay awake in bed, watching Marty sleep peacefully. I sighed again and turned around again. Something was bothering me and I just didn't want to think about that. I could see Marty's phone laying on the night stand, just there for me to grab. Stephanie's words in my head. '<em>…get his phone to see who was texting him…<em>' '_…a little happy family…_' Eventually I couldn't stop the urge anymore. The evening had been wonderful, the necklace, the dinner and the love making, but I needed to know. Like Stephanie said. So I grabbed the abandoned phone. Quickly I walked to the kitchen. I didn't bother to turn the lights on. I sat down at the table. But sitting there gave me doubts. What did it say about me if I wanted to read the texts? Was I this jealous woman who needed to know everything about her boyfriend? Didn't I trust Marty? I stared at the phone in my hand. If I read those texts…it wouldn't mean I didn't trust Marty. I sighed and put the phone down. I couldn't do that to him. I trusted Marty. I loved him and he loved me. No matter what Stephanie said. I needed to listen to my heart.

A wet noise hit my calf and it scared me to death. I could hardly suppress a loud scream. With a hand over my mouth I looked down at Monty. The dog was looking at me, like he was telling me that I was wrong.

'I'm already putting the phone back,' I whispered at the dog and he lay down. I hastily grabbed the phone and walked back to our bedroom. Marty was still sleeping peacefully, not noticing any of my distrust towards him.

* * *

><p>In the morning I regretted not reading the texts. I hated myself for feeling different every time. Why couldn't I just keep my mind on one thing? Marty had to work again. Apparently it had been busy at the surf shop and Marty had to work every day this week. I still had no job to do. Though Paul had called to tell me that they wanted to start again on Monday. The firm had found a back-up building. I was glad to hear that. With all that was going on, I was ready to get back to work. Just to keep my mind busy.<p>

I noticed I started to smile when I touched the necklace. I loved the necklace and the man who had given it to me even more. The apartment felt empty and too tiny. I needed to get out for a moment. I felt like running. I turned to Monty.

'Would you like to go for a run at the beach, boy?' I asked him enthusiastically and Monty began to wiggle his tail. I quickly changed into sport clothes and we headed outside. There were more people running at the beach, and kids playing at the beach with their parents watching them. I ran for half an hour, just getting rid of the energy that was building up inside me. After that half hour, I got tired. Despite the dog's old age, Monty had kept up with me pretty well. We both sat down in the sand, panting heavily. I glanced around and I noticed we were close to the surf shop where Marty was working. He had showed me pictures but I never actually been inside the shop.

'Come on, Monty,' I told the dog while I got up. 'Let's surprise your owner.' At a slow pace we walked to the shop. I couldn't see Marty from the outside so I walked inside. A teenage girl in shorts and a bikini top came walking towards me.

'Hey, can I help you?' she asked me.

'Yeah, I'm looking for Marty,' I answered. The girl looked surprised and I noticed her glancing at the man behind the counter.

'Umm…Marty isn't working today,' she told me and I put on a fake smile.

'Oh, yeah…of course not…' I stuttered. 'Must have the wrong day in mind…he's probably at his friends' place…'

'I'm sorry,' the girl said and I walked out of the building, feeling pretty embarrassed.

* * *

><p>The next night, when Marty was sleeping and I couldn't sleep again, I took his phone. I hadn't confronted Marty with my embarrassing moment at the surf shop. Instead I sat down on the couch, with Monty laying next to me.<p>

'You would want to know too, right boy?' I asked the dog absently and I stroked his head. I took a deep breath. This time I wasn't going to back out. I needed to read those texts. It was no longer jealousy. It was just wanting to know why Marty had told me that he had to go to work when he didn't. I opened the texts of that one morning.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Good morning. Have you slept well? Kensi<br>**__**.  
><strong>__**Good morning. I slept wonderful. What about you and Hope? Ready for a cup of coffee? My treat? Deeks  
><strong>__**.  
><strong>__**I would love to, as does Hope…but can we do that?  
><strong>__**.  
><strong>__**Of course. I can drink a cup of coffee before I have to go to work. See you in an hour?  
><strong>__**.  
>See you in an hour. I need to tell you that Hope wants to give you the biggest hug in the world. She wishes her daddy was here…<strong>_

* * *

><p>I didn't know what to feel or what to do reading these texts. There were more texts like this 'good morning' text, going back almost two weeks. He even replied with 'Deeks'. He told me that only the team had kept calling him Deeks. Always his last name. I never knew why but I knew it was something important to him.<p>

What could I do? It's just a cup of coffee before work…which he didn't mentioned to me…and it is with his ex.

Now that I had read those texts. I needed to read the rest. I needed to know where he was today. So I opened the next text.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Thank you for the great day. Hope couldn't stop talking about it when we got home. We both needed this. Hopefully we can repeat this day soon. Kensi<br>**__**.  
>I would love to. I also really enjoyed the day. If it was up to me I would spend every day with you. To see Hope every day. See every development of her, even if it is only so small. Deeks<br>**__**.  
>Me too…<strong>_

* * *

><p><strong>TBC.<br>**

**Oh oh =D**

**The texts may look confusing, I'm so sorry for that. They looked better in Word... **


	12. Chapter 13

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 11_

_Sometimes when I say "I'm okay"_

_I want someone to look me in the eye,_

_Hug me tight and say_

"_I know you're not"_

I stopped walking for a moment. Why was I doing this? Did I really need to do this? I took a deep breath. Yes, I really needed to do this. I needed to know. Still I felt horrible for doing this. But I had seen Marty's looks, read the texts.

They stopped walking once they arrived at the park: little Hope between her parents, holding their hands tightly. They looked like a family. What hurt me the most was that they even acted like a family, just like Stephanie had told me. I saw the smiles Marty gave her. The smiles I normally got from him. They were so busy with their family that they didn't even notice me, being so close. I tried to act casually, like I wasn't following my boyfriend, his ex and their child.

Marty put the basket down and laid the blanket down. All three of them sat down and while Kensi grabbed something to drink, Marty reached over to tickle Hope. The girl's laugh drilled into my head, echoing. Then Marty scooped her up, lifting her in the air…like a real dad did with his kids. Kensi stayed on the blanket, watching them while Marty ran around with a laughing Hope, playing airplane.

I hid behind a tree when I saw Kensi look in my direction. I felt my heart beat in my throat. Had she seen me? I looked around the tree and saw Marty putting Hope down on the blanket. All three were laughing. She hadn't seen me. I stepped next to the tree and leaned against it. Why were they acting like this perfect family? They weren't this perfect family. He was my boyfriend!

* * *

><p>I never got the chance to confront Marty with what I had seen in the park – I didn't even know if I wanted to confront him – as my sister called me later that afternoon. Beth was sick and needed help taking care of Liam. Will had to work during the day and it was just too much for her right now. Of course I had to go. I couldn't leave my sister when she needed me. So I took the first flight to her, only thinking about texting Marty when I arrived in our hometown. It was weird to be there again. It had been a long time since I visited our little town. But it was all so familiar. People waved at me, all recognizing me, even though I didn't recognize them. I used the key that Beth had given me to let myself in the house. I could hear Liam crying so I dropped my suitcase and hurried upstairs. Liam was laying next to an awful looking Beth. She had a really bad flu.<p>

'You came,' she smiled weakly while I picked Liam up.

'Of course, you're my sister,' I told her. 'And this gorgeous guy is my only nephew. So when you need help, I'm there. How are you feeling?'

'Horrible,' Beth grumbled. 'Can't you see? Every time I'm almost asleep, Liam starts to cry again and I have to get him. And my awful husband has to go to work all the time. He's probably just running away so that he doesn't have to take care of me…I'm a horrible person to be around right now.' I laughed and gave Beth a kiss on her cheek.

'Well, I survived you through puberty,' I joked. 'This is going to be easy. You just try to get some sleep, I'll change and feed Liam. I'll put him to bed and start to clean this place because it is a mess. After that, if you're up to it, I'll make you mom's famous chicken soup that cures all illnesses…probably because it killed every bacteria inside of you.' Beth laughed before coughing and I carried Liam to the nursery.

'Okay, little guy, let's give you a nice and clean diaper change,' I babbled at my little nephew, who had stopped crying. I put him down on the dresser and started on my mission of getting Liam happy and the environment in the house clean again.

* * *

><p>'Are you okay?' Marty sounded extremely stressed and I realized I had forgotten to send him the text that I was going to Beth. I couldn't help to smiling a little bit at his worried tone. It might have been what I liked to hear in his voice. That I still mattered to him.<p>

'I'm fine…it's Beth. She's really sick and I promised her to help her take care of Liam as Will is working during the day…I wanted to leave a no…call you but I never got the change. All I could think about was arriving at Beth's place and after that I have been busy taking care of her and Liam and cleaning the house…how was your day?'

'It was okay…nothing special…' If you don't count the day at the park with your 'little happy family', I added. I heard some sounds coming from Beth's room so I walked into her room to see her awake in the bed. I smiled at her and she smiled back. It was the kind of smile I needed at that moment. A smile telling me that someone loved me, supported me, thanking me.

'Sounds average…look, Beth is awake so I have to go. Again I'm sorry for not calling you….I didn't mean to get you so worried.'

'It's okay, I understand now…just glad you're fine. I love you, Lisa…'

'Love you too. Bye!' I quickly hung up, fighting the tears that suddenly had come up. Of course, being my sister, Beth noticed immediately.

'What's wrong?' she asked worried. 'Something happened with Marty?'

'It's all fine,' I lied. Beth got out of her bed and walked over to me. When she stood in front of me, she pulled me into a hug and all the tears flooded from my eyes.

'It's nothing!' I cried in her arms while she softly stroked my back.

* * *

><p>'You're amazing for doing this,' Will said relieved when he got home and after he had checked up on his wife. 'I tried to get some free time but work is crazy and my boss is an ass…so no free time to take care of my family for me…not that I don't like having you here…'<p>

'Have you eaten yet?' I asked Will smiling, stopping his rambling. Will shook his head and I made him a plate. 'Beth had some soup today, the famous chicken soup, and Liam is doing fine. I just put him in his crib. If you hurry you can see him awake.' Will didn't need to hear that twice and he hurried upstairs. I smiled. That was how it was supposed to be. Beth managed to get it all.

It was pretty silent in the room. I had gotten used to Monty's sounds as the dog was laying on his spot next to the TV. I actually missed the dog's sounds which was weird because I was never a pet-person. I used to like being on my own. But now, now I enjoyed company. It stopped me from thinking…thinking about everything.

'The little man was already out,' Will announced when he got back and sat down. 'This looks great, Lisa. Have you eaten yet?'

'Yeah, sort of,' I answered. 'I ate the left over soup of Beth and some of Liam's baby food managed to end up in my mouth.' Will laughed.

'We should have warned you…Liam is in that kind of phase,' he told me. 'Liam likes his food everywhere except in his own mouth…'

'I didn't care,' I assured Will. 'It was nice to spend some time with that little man. He's really some little cute boy…he has my father's laugh…'

'Beth said something like that,' Will nodded. 'She was really enthusiastic about that for some reason…I guess she was worried he would look like my family…our genes are very strong. But Liam is the perfect combination of both our families. There is no cuter boy in the world…I should show you pictures! We have his birth…his first Christmas…which Beth might have already sent to you…she's really happy to have you back in her life. She changed in the last couple of weeks. She's a different woman. Everyone in town noticed…' I smiled weakly. I hated to hear how my disappearance had affected my little sister. I wished I could have protected her from all it.

* * *

><p>The morning was still cold. I had stuffed my hands in Beth's coat, as I didn't expected it to be this cold and I didn't need to wear a winter coat in LA, so I hadn't packed one. Will was still at home, getting ready to leave for work in a hour. I had told him I needed this moment. I needed to visit my parents…or what was left of them: their graves. It was awkward to stand there, as next to their graves was standing another grave, with a name I knew by heart. It was my own grave. Even without a body, my sister had given me a grave. A grave next to my parents. I kneeled down and touched my parents' graves.<p>

'Hey, mom and dad,' I whispered. 'You can stop looking for me up there…of down there…wherever you are. I haven't left yet…just for those four years. I'm still alive. You could say you raised a strong girl. I saw little Liam for the first time. You would have loved that little guy…he has your smile, dad…that smile that lightened our entire world when Beth and I were little girls. All we wanted was to see you smile. And he has your calmness, mom. He is a beautiful boy. A grandchild to be proud of…I hope you don't watch me…not now my life is kind of messed up. Keep your eyes on Beth and her family. They need all the protection they can get from this cruel world.' I took a deep breath as I glanced at the graves. Some old flowers were laying at the feet of the stones. It was clear Beth visited them frequently. I used to visit them only when I was in town, which wasn't very often. I was always too busy with work and friends…with my own life…in New York.

I took one more look and I started to walk back to the house. It was quiet at this time in the village. People were still sleeping. Calm and quiet was how our hometown was. Nothing special happened here. The most excited thing that ever happened when I lived here was the divorce of the baker and his wife. The first couple that had separated. It was a big shock for the village. That now showed how innocent it had been…how innocent my youth had been.

* * *

><p>I stayed a week with Beth, Will and Liam. After two days Beth had been all better again – it was my mom's famous chicken soup – but I didn't feel like going back immediately. I wanted to spend some more time with my sister and her family. But now I had to go back. Work was waiting for me. The goodbye had been filled with tears and it had taken a whole hour before I was able to leave them. Like last time we promised to call and write each other and I promised to come for Liam's first birthday which was coming soon.<p>

It was quiet in our street, like everyone was waiting for something to happen. I unlocked the door and quietly got inside. Monty walked over to me, waggling his tail, and I stroked his head. I glanced into the living room and the sight surprised me.

She was laying on top of him. Her little head resting on his chest and his arms securely wrapped around her body. They looked happy laying together like that. They looked really like a father and a daughter. I smiled at the sight and put a blanket over them so that they wouldn't be cold and would stay comfortable. I walked to the bedroom and fell asleep in our bed, alone.

**TBC.**

**I know, not a very long chapter. But I liked to have Lisa back with her sister…and the moment at the graves and with her parents. **

**I hope you liked it.**

**This story won't be updated for a while, unless I can convince my sister to do it for me (but no new chapters will be written. Only the already finished ones will be posted) because I have to study super hard for the retakes of my exams. I failed them one time and can't fail them a second time. So all my time will be put in studying. I won't be back to writing until February 6.  
>I'm sorry but study comes first. <strong>


	13. Chapter 14

**_She has convinced her sister ;)_  
><strong>

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

**Haai, me again =D...let's see how you react to this chapter =S**

_Chapter 12_

_I love you_

_Is a_

_Beautiful lie_

'Why didn't you wake me when you got home?' Marty asked me surprised when he woke up on the couch, seeing me sitting at the table, drinking a cup of coffee. I smiled at him. He looked so sleepy.

'You looked so happy together,' I told him and I nodded at Hope. Marty glanced down at his little girl and he stroked her hair. Hope began to stir and opened her eyes.

'Hello, beautiful girl,' Marty greeted her with such a loving smile that I felt some jealousy. And hate towards myself for feeling jealous of Hope. He was her father and it was a known fact that fathers loved their daughters unconditionally. But sometimes I wished I saw that smile more, directed at me.

'Hellow, daddy,' Hope smiled, sounding even more sleepy that Marty.

'Should I make you two some breakfast?' I asked. 'Maybe some pancakes?' Hope's head shot up and she nodded happily and Marty smiled at me. I smiled back, just swiftly, and I started on making them breakfast. 'So what are the plans for today?'

'What do you think, little princess?' Marty asked Hope. 'What do you want to do before we bring you back to mommy?'

'Umm…' Hope replied, clearly thinking hard and then she shrugged. 'Dwawing?' Marty nodded.

'We can draw,' he said. 'If you want to do that.' Hope nodded. I saw Hope watching me and I decided to do a little trick with the pancake. I grabbed the pan and flipped the pancake to its other side. I got a big 'Ooh.' from Hope and I smiled.

'Again!' she said enthusiastically and she clapped in her hands.

* * *

><p>'What is that?' Marty asked and he pointed at the Hope's drawing. 'Is that little princess you?' He pricked Hope in her belly, making her giggle.<p>

'No, daddy!' she told him and she pushed his hand back to his own piece of paper. 'You dwaw too!' Marty laughed and he looked up at me. It was so good to see Marty interacting with Hope. It was something I could watch for hours. He was such a great dad.

'What awe you dwawing, Lisa?' Hope asked me and she hang over the table to see my drawing. Marty put her back in her chair and gestured her to walk around the table if she wanted to see my picture. So I waited patiently till Hope reached my place. To my surprise she climbed on my lap to take a look at the picture. I could hardly say anything as I looked at Hope's brown hair. She just sat down in my lap. I looked up at Marty, who was looking surprised as well. I needed a moment to snap back into speaking mode and I pointed at my picture.

'This is Monty, sleeping there next to the TV,' I told her. 'Look, he's laying next to the TV.' Hope looked up to see the dog.

'It _is_ Monty!' she said enthusiastically. 'You dwaw Monty fow me too?' I laughed.

'You can have the drawing if you want,' I told her and suddenly I had her little arms around my neck. That moment I understood why Marty spend so much time with her. I understood every feeling he had told or showed me when he spoke about Hope.

* * *

><p>'Thank you fow the dwawing!' Hope told me and she gave me hug. I returned the hug and stroked her hair. It was time for Hope to go back to her mother. She had also made a drawing for me…the person she used to ignore when she was with her father. When she handed me the drawing my heart filled with love for the little girl. She was so sweet.<p>

'No, thank you for your beautiful drawing,' I told Hope and I kneeled down to her height, holding the drawing in front of us. 'Tell me again who everyone is…' Hope smiled and she pointed at the first two 'people'.

'That is me and mommy!' she told enthusiastically, like always. I had the feeling she couldn't speak without sounding enthusiastic. She had changed so much since the first day I saw her. I wish I had that ability. She pointed at the next three people-like-things and some square with four lines sticking out of it. 'And that is you, daddy and me with Monty.' Hope looked up from the drawing, at my face. 'And we awe a family.' I smiled and I couldn't help myself giving the little girl a hug. She giggled.

'It is really beautiful,' I told her. 'I'm going to keep this one next to my bed so that it will be the first thing I'll see when I wake up and the last thing I'll see when I go to sleep.' Hope's face lighted with pride. Marty appeared next to us, holding Hope's favorite stuffed animal, a dog, and a backpack with more of Hope's stuff.

'Okay, princess, one last hug for Lisa and then we go and see what mommy has been doing without you,' he told her.

'Helping uncle G.!' she answered. 'He is buying a couch!'

'That is about time,' Marty smiled. He gave me a kiss and he walked with Hope to the car. I waved at them as they drove away.

* * *

><p>'So how is your sister?' Stephanie asked me almost immediately when she called me for an update. 'She is feeling better already? And your little nephew, Liam…are you spoiling him like a real aunt should?' I couldn't help laughing.<p>

'I'm already back in LA. So yes, she's feeling a lot better. And yes, I have been spoiling my little nephew like I'm supposed to do.'

'Oh! You're back! Are you coming into work tomorrow?'

'Unfortunately, yes.'

'So have was your reunion with Marty?'

'Not really happened. Hope was here this weekend…we spent the day with the three of us…and she is actually super sweet. I wasn't ignored this time. She even gave me a hug.'

'Ooh, you're falling in love with your man's extra load. This is getting serious! Is there a wedding coming soon? 'Cause you know: men want to know if their woman is able to deal with their package before marrying them…and you have been together for a long time!'

'Don't call Hope Marty's package. She's his daughter…you can say that. I'm aware of that. But no: no wedding in sight. That is too soon for us…' And we got a problem called 'the ex', I added silently.

'You have been together…three years? Plenty of time to know each other and to know that you love each other unconditionally!' I sighed. Sometimes, in moments like this, I wished Stephanie knew it all. Understood it all. Then she wouldn't be talking like this.

'Steph, I need to go now…Marty has come back.'

'I get it: time for the reunion. Have fun!'

* * *

><p>That night Marty took me out for dinner. Hand-in-hand we walked towards the place. I recognized the area but I couldn't place it immediately, until I saw the restaurant. I laughed and kissed him on his cheek.<p>

'Marty!' Josephine greeted enthusiastically and she pulled him into a hug, out of my hands. When she let him go again, she smiled brightly at me. 'And his girlfriend. Come, follow me, I'll give you a nice, quiet table.' Smiling at each other, we followed the older woman. As we sat down I glanced around. This was the first place Marty took me. The first place where he showed me a bit of his past.

'I love this place,' I smiled at Marty. 'She made me feel so welcome in LA when we got here the first time.' Marty grabbed my hand.

'That was because you were welcome in LA,' he told me, kissing me hand softly.

'This place was my start in LA,' I told him. 'Is her cooking as good as her baking?'

'Wait till you taste her food,' Marty said. 'It is even better than her apple pie.' I laughed, shaking my head.

'There is no way that that is possible,' I told him. 'That apple pie was delicious.' Marty continued watching me and it made me nervous. I felt that I was blushing.

'What are you doing?' I asked him shyly.

'I love you,' he told me softly. 'You know that, right.' I slowly shook my head, still not understanding where he was going with this. And because I knew it was only partly true.

* * *

><p>Did Marty take his phone with him, I wonder anxiously and I searched our apartment. I took a relieved breath when I realized he had taken it with him. My plan was set in motion. I grabbed my laptop and turned it on. I glanced around, nervously, as the laptop loaded. I never thought I would use this ever again. I had used it some times in the past, when I still worked for Ewoods...oh how much I missed that magazine. I opened the program I needed and waited. I had planned all of this during my flight back to LA. A few days of preparation and waiting had passed but the moment of truth was finally here. I took a deep breath and hit 'enter'. At first I heard nothing and I thought I had done something wrong, that I had forgotten how to do it. But then I heard some sounds, rumbling. I turned the volume up and tried to remove some background noises.<p>

'...short nap,' I could hear Kensi say and my heart skipped a beat. It was actually working! Realizing that it did, I started to doubt. Did I really want to do this? Did I want to know for sure?

'It has been a tiring day,' Marty said. I didn't have the strength to turn it off and I kept listening to Kensi and Marty talking about the day at the zoo with Hope. It sounded like they had a fun day. Monty lay down next to me on the bed and I absently stroked his head. I only half to the conversation until Marty said something that caught my attention.

'I don't know how much longer I can do this...' Marty said so softly that I almost didn't hear him. 'This is not fair to anyone.'

'I know...' Kensi said in the same soft tone. 'Actually I don't know...I don't know anything anymore. I only know that...that I...' It surprised me to hear Kensi stutter over those words. I knew what she was going to say. Why couldn't she tell him that she loved him?

'I know. I love you too.' Marty apparently knew without hearing the words...or maybe she had told him before. 'But I...I love Lisa as well.' I held my breath. He loved me. 'We have been through a lot together...that gives us something...something special. And she is living here in LA, trying to build a new life...only because I wanted to live here... But we have something special too, Kens: that beautiful little girl that is sleeping in that room...I want that life...'

'Deeks...Marty...you can't keep going like this... '

'I don't want to lose either one of you, Kens...I love both of you...'

'Well, I can't do this any longer! I can't...I don't want to be between you and Lisa any longer. I want us to be more, Marty! I want Hope to wake up with her parents in the same house, like a real family! I don't want to be just the mother of your child and someone you fuck every now and then!'. That was the conformation I was looking for...they were sleeping together...

'Kens...'

'No Marty! I have enough of just being someone you fuck! I've been that once for four years! It is now enough!' At that point I want to stop listening. I felt like invading Kensi's privacy...It was obvious that she had kept the rapes a secret because Marty was silenced as well.

But it wasn't long before I heard a familiar sound. A sound that didn't belong with fight. It brought tears to my eyes. I didn't need to hear them kissing, go further, so I closed the laptop.

* * *

><p>I had removed everything and had cleaned my face when Marty walked through the front door. I was sitting casually on the couch, reading a book. It took all my strength to just sit there and not confront Marty with what I discovered.<p>

'Hey, sweetie,' I greeted him with a big smile and I put my book down.

'Hey,' he greeted back and I could hear something like guilt in his voice. I knew that I wouldn't even have noticed it if I didn't know what had happened half an hour ago. I got up from the couch and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

'I missed you,' I whispered to him and I kissed him firmly, hungrily, on his mouth. Marty was a bit taken back with the kiss but then he returned to kiss. I let my hand travel south and I looked in his eyes. I wanted him now, so badly. Now it was my turn. My turn to show what I got and what he missed when he was with her. I pulled his shirt over his head, throwing it on the floor and pushed him onto the couch.

* * *

><p>I kissed his bare chest gently, slowly moving up. When I reached his collarbone, I put my arms on his chest and looked at his face. His eyes were closed but I knew he wasn't asleep yet.<p>

'I love you, Marty,' I told him softly and he opened his eyes with a smile on his face. He softly my bare shoulder.

'I love you too,' he told me. I sighed and put my head back on his chest. I knew it was a lie. If he really loved me, he hadn't gone to her so many times. He wouldn't have sex with her every time. He would stay home with me, having sex with me.

'So what's for dinner?' Marty asked me and I shrugged. I wasn't in the mood to make him dinner. 'Should we order in?' I nodded and reached for the phone and the take-out menus that were laying on the coffee table. I handed them to Marty.

'You came prepared,' he laughed. 'Any preferences?'

'You pick,' I answered and I lay back on his chest. I was not ready to give this up. Not ready to give him up. I had to prove him that he should be with me.

**TBC.**


	14. Chapter 15

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 13_

_Take a walk with a child_

_You'll be surprise at all the things you see_

'Are you sure that you're okay with this?' Marty asked me for the sixth time or so. 'I'm really sorry I have to work and leave you with Hope…Normally I would bring her to Kensi…but Kensi is away…umm…to see her parents' graves…so that wasn't a possibility…and I don't like to leave her with a babysitter, a stranger…' I put my hands on his cheeks, forcing him to look at me and to calm down.

'We will be fine,' I smiled and I looked at Hope, who was watching some kind of cartoon on TV. 'We'll have some girl-time together…maybe at the zoo…' Hope's head went up and down, indicating that she could hear us and that she wanted to go to the zoo. Marty and I laughed.

'Okay, then I'll go,' he said and he kissed me. He took some extra time saying goodbye to Hope, hugging her and kissing her all over her face. The little girl was giggling the entire time. Then Marty found the strength to walk out of the front door, leaving me alone with Hope. We stood opposite of each other, just looking at each other, without saying a word. Her blue eyes followed every small movement I made as I looked at her pajamas. She couldn't go to the zoo dressed in her pajamas…

'Shall we put on some clothes and go to the zoo?' I asked and Hope nodded calmly.

'Can Monty come too?' she asked me.

'Does he need clothes too?' I joked, acting confused. Hope started to giggle again and she shook her head.

'Monty doesn't weaw clothes!' she laughed. 'To the zoo?'

'That depends on how quickly you get dressed,' I told Hope and she ran to her bedroom. I glanced at Monty, who was staring at me, like he was begging to come too. Were dogs even allowed in the zoo? I looked away from the dog and walked to Hope's room, realizing that a three-year-old couldn't dress herself, even though she was almost a four-year-old.

Hope had pulled almost every piece of clothing she owned out of the closet and I stared at the mess. That needed to be cleaned up before Marty came back…and I was probably going to be the one who had to the cleaning since a three-year-old couldn't clean.

'So what do you want to wear?' I asked the girl, stepping over the clothes to get closer to her. Hope shrugged and then she picked the first t-shirt she saw laying around. I nodded and grabbed some jeans, because jeans seemed like something a young girl could move in easily.

'Can Monty come with us now?' Hope asked hopefully once I had helped her get dressed.

'We need to see what the zoo says about that,' I answered. 'But now I need to know: are you ready for the zoo?' Hope nodded and put on such a bright smile on. A smile just like her dad. It made me smile too. 'Then let's go!'

* * *

><p>'Tigews awe the goodest animals!' Hope exclaimed when we stood in front of the animals. 'The goodest of the world!' Just like the pandas, snakes, zebras, rhinos, hippos, lions and parrots, I thought. Hope really liked the zoo, that was clear. She didn't even mind that Monty wasn't allowed to come with us.<p>

'They are nice,' I agreed with the girl and I made a few pictures of the tigers and a few of Hope looking at them. Marty would like to have those pictures.

'What is youw goodest animal?' Hope asked me and I rubbed my hand over my chin, overacting my thinking.

'Giraffes,' I then answered.

'They awe my goodest too!' Hope exclaimed. 'Can we see them now?'

'We'll see them eventually,' I told her and I extended my hand, which she took immediately, without any hesitation. It was something I was still getting used to because I remember how she afraid she had been. How she avoided any contact. But feeling her tiny hand in mine, made me forget all of that. I looked at Hope, who was looking around, looking so happy. I made a picture of her in that moment. It was the picture that showed the real Hope: a happy girl.

'Oh! Ice cweam!' Hope pointed hopefully and I smiled. It was a warm day and it was our day out, together. So why not? We walked over to the stand and bought two ice creams. While eating and enjoying our snack, we continued towards the giraffes.

'Twew awe weally weally bwig awen't twew?' Hope asked with her mouth full of ice cream but I understood her either way.

'Yes, they are very big,' I agreed. 'They have such a long neck so that they can reach all the yummy leaves that the top of the tree, where no other animal can come.'

'Biwds can,' Hope disagreed and I laughed.

'Yes, birds could reach those leaves as well,' I nodded. 'But birds don't eat leaves. They eat seeds or worms.'

'But worms awe yucky!' Hope said and again I laughed.

'Not for birds,' I told her.

* * *

><p>We were on our way back to the car when Hope tucked my sleeve and I looked at her. She started at me for awhile.<p>

'If daddy is my daddy…awe you my mommy?' she asked me and the question surprised me. In a child's mind the woman who lives with their father is their mother. But not in every child's life that is true.

'No, Hope, I'm not your mommy,' I answered the girl, stroking her over her head. 'You already have a mommy…'

'But mommies and daddies live together, wight?' Hope asked.

'Not all mommies and daddies live together,' I answered, thinking quickly how to explain this to Hope. She was smart for her age but smart enough to understand this? I took a deep breath, stopped Hope and kneeled down, holding her hands in mine.

'Daddy and I and you and mommy…we were away from the world for a long time…' I started slowly and Hope nodded. 'Daddy didn't see mommy for a very long time…and he met me…that is why mommy and daddy don't live together.'

'Awe you my mommy two?' Hope asked.

'If you want me to be your mommy two, I'll be your mommy two,' I smiled weakly at the girl, who slowly nodded. My lip started to tremble and I felt the tears in my eyes. She wanted me to be her mommy number two…she saw me as a kind of mother. I had no words left to say. All I could think of was hugging little Hope, so I did.

* * *

><p>'Awe you evu sad?' Hope asked me while we were walking over the beach, on our way home. I glanced at the girl, who carefully watched me. I wondered where she was going with this.<p>

'I am sad sometimes,' I answered her honestly. 'Are you sad sometimes?' Hope nodded and I stopped walking. 'What are you sad about, Hope?'

'I'm sad when mommy is sad,' Hope answered. 'Mommy is sad a lot…caase of the bad man…she cwies sometimes. Kisses dowt even help then!' I stroked Hope's head. She wasn't having an easy childhood as both parents were battling with inner demons. When she was battling with inner demons herself. I had heard her cry at night, in her room. I had counted the times that Marty had to get out of bed to console her. During the day Hope was usually okay, but at night the demons came to haunt the little girl.

'Are you sad about other things too?' I asked her gently, not wanting to push her too much. 'Like that mommy and daddy aren't living together?' Hope thought for a moment.

'That uncle G. has no one,' she then answered. I couldn't help to smile.

'But uncle G. has you, right?' I told her and Hope nodded.

'I give him kisses sometimes,' she giggled. 'And twen he smiles…just like you!'

'Yeah, everyone loves your kisses,' I told the girl.

'Can we go see daddy?' Hope asked, changing the subject and she pointed at a building in the distance. I shook my head. I didn't know for sure if Marty was at work and I didn't want to disappoint Hope.

'We're going home and see if Monty is hungry,' I told her. 'Maybe you could make one of your pretty drawings for mommy and uncle G.'

'And for daddy!' Hope said enthusiastically. It was easy to change the subject with a three-year-old. Maybe too easy.

* * *

><p>'Sweet dreams, Hope,' I whispered to the sleepy girl and I placed a kiss on her forehead. I got up and walked out of her room, the door slightly ajar and one little light on. Today had been such a special day. I really got to know Hope better and she no longer felt as Marty's daughter. She had gained a big place in my heart. And who could blame me? She was the sweetest girl alive.<p>

But the more I thought about the place she had gained in my life, the more I realized how much trouble this was going to be. I loved her and Marty. Marty loved her, me and Kensi. Kensi loved her and Marty. She was the only one who loved all of us. The more time I spend with Hope, the more I realized I wanted this life. I wanted to be with Marty and Hope. I wanted to be Hope's mommy number two. My gaze went to the drawing laying on the table. Hope had made it for me. It was us two at the beach, with a big heart around us. Because she loved me and the beach. I had also gained a place in her little heart. A place in the heart of the girl who hardly trusted anyone.

'Lisa?' Marty's voice sounded and I took a deep breath to suppress the sad feeling inside of me. I got up and walked towards him. He smiled at me and gave me a kiss. I kissed him back, holding him closer just a little longer. I didn't want to lose him.

'How was your day?' he asked me when I pulled away. 'Is she asleep?' I nodded, having trouble to find the right words.

'It has been a great day,' I eventually smiled. 'We both really enjoyed this day…and yes, I just put her to bed.'

'I'll check up on her,' he said and I watched him go to her bedroom.

* * *

><p>I wasn't sure, but I could smell her on him. It was a smell that I hated. A smell I had to get rid of. So I touched his cheek, forcing him to look at me and I kissed him, slowly and teasing. A smile appeared on his face and in his eyes I saw something I wanted to see in his eyes. I saw love in his eyes. He pulled me closer against him, making me smell her smell even more and I was sure. He had been with her.<p>

But to my surprise, it didn't bother me any longer. Not since I had seen the love in his eyes when I kissed him. It was all I needed to love him even more.

* * *

><p>'Wow girl!' Stephanie proclaimed when I walked into the new office building. 'You look awful but yet really happy. Did you have a good night, girl?' I laughed and I put my cup of hot, steaming coffee on my desk.<p>

'I had an _amazing_ night and day,' I said smiling and Stephanie moved closer to me.

'Please give me all the dirty details,' she begged me. 'Aaron is on a business trip since three days, again, and he won't be back for another four days. I miss it so badly!' I laughed at her desperation.

'I'm not going to give you any details beside that it was mind blowing,' I told her and I turned my computer on. Stephanie groaned in frustration.

'What kind of friend are you?' she sighed.

'The kind that keeps all the details to herself to fantasize about it all day long,' I joked and Stephanie groaned even more frustrated.

'When Aaron comes home, I'm going to jump him,' she told me. 'And we're going to stay in bed all day, all weekend!' I laughed and I focused on my computer screen, checking the appointments for my boss. Stephanie didn't know the reason for the mind blowing sex. She would disapprove if I told her. She flirts a lot but she never cheats and if a guy would cheat on her, she would dump him without a second thought. But Marty was my guy and I didn't want to lose him.

**TBC.**


	15. Chapter 16

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 14_

_Lies are beautiful,_

_The truth hurts._

Time went by and while Marty never told me, I always knew when he had spent time with Kensi. I could smell her on him, but he also tried to make that evening or the next day amazing for me. He would take me out for dinner or give me gifts. I couldn't help liking it. I loved all the attention he was giving me after he had been with her. I knew it was mostly guilt but I liked it. It gave me also a bit of Marty. And I could spend time with Hope, who I started to love so much. I enjoyed every moment I spend with the girl.

Today was Hope's birthday. She was turning four. I believed that Marty had bought the entire store. All the presents he had bought for her. It was even worse than Christmas. But this time I felt no jealousy. I wanted to spoil Hope as well.

'Are you ready?' Marty asked me when I walked out of the bathroom. I nodded. I was ready to go. It had taken some time to build up the strength to actually go. I had to keep in mind that I was going there for Hope.

Hope's birthday party was at Callen's house, where Kensi and Hope were still living. I was going to spend the entire day in the same house as Kensi. I had to watch her and Marty talk with each other. I had to act normal. Like I didn't know. I knew this wasn't going to be easy.

'Are you okay?' Marty asked worried and I saw him glance at me. I smiled at him and nodded. To him I was fine.

'I'm just tired,' I lied. 'Yesterday was a long day at the firm.' Marty nodded and he let me to the door. I took a deep breath as I stepped outside. I needed to put on a smile and suck in all the sadness and unhappiness I was feeling. I needed to be happy for Hope.

* * *

><p>'Daddy!' Hope shouted happily and she ran towards Marty, who lifted her in the air and hugged her tightly. I quickly took a picture of the two. That was a nice picture for in a frame. A nice father-daughter picture.<p>

'Happy birthday, Princess,' he said to her and he kissed her. Hope giggled and she stretched her arms out to me. I smiled, fighting the tears once again, and I took Hope over from Marty.

'Hello, birthday girl,' I greeted her. 'You looked really beautiful today.'

'You look pwetty too,' Hope told me. I gave her a kiss on her cheek and placed her on the ground so that she could run off again, but she grabbed our hands and pulled us with her. Marty and I looked at each other, laughing. Hope let us inside, into her bedroom.

'Look what I got fom mommy!' she said and she held up a stuffed dog, which looked kind of like Monty. 'I got Monty! Whewe is Monty, daddy?'

'Monty had to stay home today, Princess,' Marty answered her. 'Otherwise he would eat all your cake. And we don't want that to happen, do we?' I saw Hope shake her head while I glanced around the room. The walls were pink, but the pinkness almost disappeared behind all the drawings. Drawings of people, animals and unidentifiable things.

'We also have some presents for you,' Marty told his daughter, whose face just light up and she started to jump up and down. 'Some of the presents are for daddy's home and some you can take to mommy's home too.' Hope nodded. I put the bag with presents down and gave her the first of many.

* * *

><p>I tried to focus on Hope playing with Sam's children but I couldn't help letting my eyes wander to Marty, who was talking with Sam, Callen and Kensi. It looked like he had a great time with them. I saw him looking and smiling at Kensi. Why was he making it so obvious? Why didn't Sam and Callen notice? Or did they notice but didn't they care?<p>

I hated being here. I wanted to leave, be far away from all of this happiness. I didn't share the happiness. Marty and Kensi were just too obvious standing there, next to each other. I hated the times he looked at her. I hated the smiles he shared with her.

'Are you alright?' a voice next to me said, that I couldn't place right away. When I looked to my left, I remember the voice. Hetty was looking at me.

'I'm okay,' I lied and I put a fake smile on. Normally I had no problems with lying but today it was too hard. Or it was too hard to lie to Hetty. I felt the tears coming up. 'I'm sorry…excuse me.' Hetty nodded while I hurried inside, to the bathroom. Why was I so damn emotional today? Why couldn't I fake a smile like I had done so many times? All I could think of was, was finding an excuse to leave.

* * *

><p>'Thank you so much for meeting me,' I greeted Stephanie when she opened the door. She nodded and let me inside. Our friendship had been completely renewed but still I never been in her apartment in the months that I had spent in LA. I had never felt the urge, until today.<p>

'Of course, girl,' Stephanie replied. 'You can always call me to save you in moments like that. I can't believe you even went to the party!' I sighed. Stephanie didn't understand my love for Hope. She had never really met the girl, spent a day with the girl. She didn't know where she was talking about, what she was missing.

'I just had to,' I simply said. 'So how was your day so far?'

'Not doing anything special,' Stephanie answered. 'Bit cleaning, bit eating, bit reading…you know the normal stuff.' I nodded and looked around. The normal stuff were the things I loved to do. I didn't need to plan my entire day with exciting trips what no one had ever done before. I like doing the normal things.

'Jeez, Li, are you alright?' Stephanie asked worried and she wrapped her arm around my shoulder. I looked confused at her but then I touched my cheeks. They were wet. I had been crying without even noticing it myself. I looked at Stephanie. Was I able to lie at her for much longer? Was it time to tell her?

'Steph, I need to tell you something…' I started but before I could finish, Stephanie interrupted me.

'You're pregnant?'

'What?' I said confused. 'How…what?'

'Well…' Stephanie said and she glanced at my abdomen, which I immediately covered with my hands. 'And you crying, when I hardly ever saw you crying before…also you started to eat more during lunch…and a few days ago you threw up…'

'I'm not pregnant, Steph,' I assured her.

'Well, you're having amazing, mind-blowing sex,' Stephanie replied. 'You might forget protection in moments like that.' I thought about it for a moment. She was right about that…Marty and I hadn't use protection much lately.

'I'm pregnant?' I stumbled.

'No worries, you'll have your answer in about five minutes,' Stephanie said. 'Drink water from the tap, I'll get two pregnancy tests from the bathroom.'

* * *

><p>I felt so stupid for thinking I was pregnant. I had listened too much to Stephanie. I didn't miss my period. I should have realized that I couldn't be pregnant. We were staring at the negative pregnancy tests.<p>

'Well, that is solved,' Stephanie said easily. I kept staring at the tests. Somewhere deep inside I felt something like disappointment. Did I want to be pregnant? Was I ready to take that next step with Marty? I took a deep breath and threw the tests in the thrash. Not wanting to take another look at them. No longer wanting to feel that something like disappointment.

'What did you want to tell me, by the way?' Stephanie asked and I looked questioningly at her. 'When I thought you was going to tell me you were pregnant?' I slowly nodded and took a deep breath. Did I still want to tell her?

'Marty is cheating on me,' I blurred out.

'With the ex?' Stephanie asked and I nodded. 'And you need a place to stay? Because you're more than welcome here. Aaron and I wouldn't mind.' I shook my head.

'We didn't break up,' I told her. 'I didn't tell Marty that I knew.' Stephanie looked in shock at me, not believing me.

'What?' she stumbled. 'You're staying with the cheater?'

'You don't understand,' I stuttered, not knowing how to explain this to Stephanie.

'No, you're right, I don't,' Stephanie agreed. 'Lisa, you deserved to be happier than with a cheater!'

'You don't understand because you don't know…' I continued. 'At night, in his arms, is the only time I feel safe. He makes my heart beat ten times faster when he smiled. The love for me in his eyes, makes me melt…makes me forget everything that happened. I need that. I need to forget!' Stephanie stared confused at me.

'What do you need to forget?' she asked me.

'My four years in hell!' I answered, sounding more harshly than I wanted and Stephanie was shocked by my answer. Now I needed to tell her everything.

* * *

><p>'<em>AAAAHHHH!' I screamed on the tops of my longs when the concrete block came down on my hand, breaking every bone in it. My senses became numb. I could no longer see, smell or hear. I could only feel the excruciating pain in my hand. I felt someone pull my head back by my hears. I felt him breathing against my cheek. Slowly I could push myself passed the pain and my hearing started to come back.<em>

'_Tell me about this agency you work for!' Sandros said next to me, in a threatening tone. It wasn't directed at me. It was directed at Marty, who I knew was sitting in front of me, forced to watch it all. I didn't hear what Marty said but Sandros pushed my head forwards. The movement made me move my head and I bit my lip to suppress the screams inside of me. A door close to me opened and several persons walked out of the room. I didn't see them. All I saw was Marty's face and all I felt were his hands on my cheeks._

'_I'm so sorry,' he whispered and I could hear from his voice that he had cried. I leaned closer into his comfort. I wanted to feel safe again. I didn't want to feel the pain anymore. But instead of his arms, I met his lips. It worked even better. Kissing him made me forget everything. It was even better than my dreams…the dreams I had before this hell. My dreams about the perfect man kissing me. The only dreams I had inside this hell were about my sister or about the horrors I saw all day long._

_But now I no longer needed to dream. With Marty next to me, feeling the same way I felt, I was living that dream I was having. Only in the wrong place at the wrong time. But I had Marty to make me feel safe and no more pain. I had found the light in our darkness._

* * *

><p>'Marty called you several times,' Stephanie told me when I woke up on her couch, confused because I didn't remember falling asleep. 'I answered your phone when he called for the twentieth time.' I blinked a few times, trying to process everything she was saying.<p>

'Why did he call?' I asked. 'Wasn't he having a good time at the party?'

'Honey, the party ended two hours ago,' Stephanie answered me gently and I looked at the clock on the DVD-player. It was alright eight o'clock in the evening. I shot up.

'I'm so sorry…' I started to apologize but Stephanie placed her hands on my shoulders.

'I don't mind,' she told me gently. 'You crashed down after you told me…almost everything. How were you dealing with all of this…on your own?' I shrugged. Ignoring it most of the time?

'Hey baby, is she awake?' I heard a man's voice ask and I realized that Aaron had come home. Seconds later a good looking man walked into the room and he smiled politely at me. I smiled weakly back at him.

'Would you like something to eat?' he asked me and I shook my head. I wasn't hungry. I looked at Stephanie and realized she was trying to tell me something…something about Marty…why he had called.

'Why did Marty call?' I asked her again.

'He wanted to know if you were okay,' Stephanie answered. 'He was really worried when he got home and you weren't there. He looked at the beach and tried to call you…I think he even let the geek-guy trace your phone in the end…he sounded really worried and relieved when I told him you were okay…which means you were right…he does really love you…'

'I think he's just confused,' Aaron said and I glanced from him to Stephanie and back. 'Stephanie told me…about Marty…but he's just confused. Having a child with someone gives them a special bond. A bond that can be interpreted wrongly.' I kept looking confused at Aaron.

'He's a psychiatrist,' Stephanie explained.

'Okay…' I stumbled. 'I need to go…'

'No you don't,' Stephanie said. 'I told Marty you were staying here. You are in no condition to go home. A lot of memories have come up and with them a lot of emotions. You may not remember it, but I do. You let it all out, which was good because no one should wander around on this world, holding everything you were keeping inside.' I looked at Stephanie and for the first time I noticed her red, puffy eyes. She had been crying. I had made her cry with my memories. But the moment I started to tell about it, I could no longer stop telling. Now Stephanie had to live with the horrors of my life as well.

**TBC**


	16. Chapter 17

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 15_

_Moving on isn't forgetting,_

_What kind of person you were._

_It's accepting that you're not,_

_The same person anymore._

I stayed with Stephanie and Aaron for another day , still not finding the strength to go home and face Marty. But after that day, I realized I had to go home. That I wanted to go home, to be with Marty again. I missed him when I stayed with Stephanie and Aaron. His strong, safe arms around me when I went to sleep. Here they didn't protect me against the nightmares. Here they came back again. Aaron wanted to talk about it, like a real psychiatrist. But I wanted to stay silent, push it all to the back of my mind and forget about it. Like I had done all those months. I wanted to move on with my life.

Aaron and I were sitting at the kitchen table, eating our breakfast in silence. Stephanie was still sleeping. Aaron was up because he had to work soon. I was up because I hardly slept. Aaron cleared his throat and I looked up at him. He was staring at me. I hated when people stared at me. And his stare was saying 'Tell me' like a psychiatrist-stare.

'I have been thinking,' he started and I sighed. Here we go. 'How long have you known Marty?'

'About three and half years?' I answered him. 'I think a half year had passed before he came…I don't really know…I didn't even know we were gone for four years…' Aaron nodded, like a real psychiatrist and I started to feel uneasy.

'And when did you start to develop feelings for him?' I shrugged. Why was he asking me about time? I already told him that inside our cell there was no time. 'At what moment did you start to develop feelings? What had happened?' I swallowed. I could remember that moment. It was the moment he started to speak about what he loved.

* * *

><p>'<em>Have you ever felt real freedom?' Marty asked me when I held him in my arms after one of Sandros' visits. His weight was painful on my sore arms but I felt like I needed to take away his pain, more than thinking about my own pain.<em>

'_I don't know,' I answered honestly. It was true. When your freedom is taken away, you start thinking about the moments you were really free. But I came up empty. I couldn't think of one moment I was really free._

'_I have,' Marty said. 'When I'm out on the water, with those beautiful waves…I'm free. Standing on my board, so close to the water. Able to fall down into the water any moment, but I don't fall. That is how real freedom feels like. No one is telling you what to do. No one is holding you back. You let the waves lead you anywhere…true freedom.' I smiled and I stroked his hair._

'_Sounds amazing,' I whispered to him._

'_Have you ever felt real love?' he asked me, making me feel like he wasn't really talking to me in particularly. That he was just talking to stay away. So that he didn't give in to his pain. But I no longer mind. I had done the same. _

'_Tell me about real love,' I whispered at him._

'_It's when you're laying in bed, not really awake yet,' Marty started. 'Your best friend is laying next to you, breathing into your neck. And just when you're about to fall asleep again, his tongue touching your cheek__, telling you that he wants you to stay awake. It's when you come home and he's standing at the window, waiting for you. Greeting you like you have been away for years instead of hours. If you know true love, you have a dog who is there no matter what you do.'_

* * *

><p>'Talking about freedom and love is what made you fall in love with Marty?' Aaron asked. I nodded. Apparently it did. 'The two things you were missing inside of that cell. You lost your freedom and love…'<p>

'Aaron, I didn't sleep well,' I interrupted him. 'I'm not ready for this. I don't need a session…I'm fine.' Aaron shut his mouth and nodded before looking down at his cup of coffee again. I sighed and drank the rest of my coffee. I didn't need to know what made me fall in love with Marty. I did fall in love with him and that is all that mattered.

* * *

><p>His arms were around me the second I walked inside. His lips were on mine the second I walked in. He told me over and over how worried he had been. How much he had missed me. I stroked his cheek and told him I just needed a moment for myself. That it wasn't him, but that it was me. He kissed me again and made me promise never to do this again. I had promised it and I kissed him.<p>

Now we were laying in our bed, my head on his chest, his arms around my shoulder. Like we had done so many times before. But every time it felt so special. I always made me think about Marty telling about real love. It made me wonder if this was how real love felt. And how it could feel like real love, when it was actually a split love. I never knew about whom he was thinking when we lay here together. Was it me or her?

Suddenly I sat up straight and when I glanced at Marty, I saw him looking confused at me. I averted my eyes. I shouldn't be thinking about who Marty was thinking at that moment. I had to make sure it was me. I had to make sure he could have nothing else but me on his mind. Convince him that I was the one. Remember him about the real us.

But the real us was inside a cell, locked up from the rest of the world. We couldn't be the real us in this world because this is different. Our lives are different now. We're not the only ones for each other anymore. There were more people to think about.

* * *

><p>'Lisa, what is going on?' Marty asked that evening. The entire day I had been silent, hardly said a word to him. There was worry present in his face and it made me smile. Maybe not on the outside, but it did on the inside. I leaned in closer and kissed him.<p>

'Nothing,' I answered. 'I'm just thinking about stuff…Stephanie knows what happened to us…I told her when I was staying at her place. I couldn't keep it from her any longer…' Marty glances at me.

'You hadn't told her before?' he asked confused. 'Why not?'

'Because I might want to be treated like I used to be treated,' I answered. 'Not the victim but just me, Lisa. Everyone who knows immediately starts to treat me like a victim. Even when they don't intent to. With Stephanie I could be the old me. Like nothing had happened. It was nice to forget for a moment.' Marty stroked my hair and the tears were coming again.

'I didn't know you felt like that,' he whispered.

'Yeah, well, I do,' I answered. 'Even with you I can't be the old me because with you I remember why I can't be the old me…'

'Lisa, I don't care about the old you,' Marty told me. 'I care about the you that you are right now. The one I love.' I leaned in closer, putting my head on his shoulder. To feel his arms around me.

'I love you too,' I whispered and Marty kissed my temple.

* * *

><p>The next morning, or rather afternoon, I woke up by the sounds of a familiar laugh. One that I loved to hear. I quickly got out of bed and changed into my normal clothes. In the living room was Hope sitting on the floor, playing with some plastic animals, together with Marty. He was making funny sounds and Hope was laughing. I smiled when I saw the little girl. She really had become a part of my life. It had been hard at first but I had accepted her, just like I had told Marty that moment when he had told me that Hope was his daughter.<p>

That day at the zoo had been the day. She wanted me to be her mommy number two. No one ever wanted me to be something that was that special or that meaningful. I had become a part of her life too. A life that hadn't been steady. A life that had been full of danger, every day.

Thinking about Aarons' question made me question myself. Did I really love Marty? Or was it all something I created, to survive our hell? Did I love him for being the one who made me pull through?

I had known from the start what Kensi had meant to him. She had been the one for him to calm him, to take away the pain. When Marty talked about Kensi, he could be away from this place while I had Marty to do that.

'Lisa!' Hope exclaimed happily and she dropped all her toys to run to me. She stopped doing what she was doing, just to greet me. I was important to her. An important part of her life. I glanced at Marty while holding Hope in my arms and I saw a look I couldn't place. I had seen it never before on Marty's face. But he didn't look as trouble as he had done the last couple of weeks. But I couldn't care at that moment.

* * *

><p>'So, Hope really seems to like you,' Marty smiled and I nodded. Hope had fallen asleep during the movie we were watching together. She was sleeping between us, like a border, a border between me and Marty. Or a reason to stay, not to give up.<p>

'And I really like her,' I answered and I stroked her hairs. 'She is such a sweet girl.'

'She is,' Marty agreed, looking proudly at his daughter. 'Kensi did a good job of raising her to be a good person in such an awful place.' I slowly nodded. Why did he have to bring Kensi into our conversation. What did it mean?

'She asked me if I was her mommy two,' I told Marty. I didn't know why I told him this right now or why I hadn't told him before. Maybe because it had felt like it was something between me and Hope. Nothing that Marty needed to hear. But Now I wanted to see how he reacted to that. His reaction to my announcement would tell me everything.

He smiled, but the smile didn't seem genuine. His eyes didn't smile with him. They looked sad. I knew in that moment that he had made his decision. Was I ready for that decision? I looked down, at Hope and I felt it.

'Lisa, I need to tell you something…' Marty announced but before he could tell me that he was cheating, I stood up, walking away. I wasn't ready to give Hope up yet. I didn't want to cause more change in the girl's life. I didn't want to disappear from her world, just when she was used to me being there. I couldn't do that to her. Neither should Marty. Maybe we had to keep lying instead of telling the truth.

So I walked away from Marty, to keep lying. Lying to him, Hope, everyone else and most of all, lying to myself.

**TBC.**

**And I'm back again =D The extremely busy time is over, not with the result I planned, but better than I first thought. So I'm back to posting and writing =D**

**A big thanks to my sister for posting the last 3 chapters =D **


	17. Chapter 18

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 16_

_Admit it_

_You're waiting for something that won't happen._

I knew I could avoid Marty only for so long. At one point he had to tell me what he wanted to tell me. At night we would lay in the same bed, next to each other. Would he choose that moment to tell me that he was cheating on me? Would that be the moment he told me the truth that I already knew? I didn't even want to find out so I went to bed early and pretended to be asleep when Marty went to bed as well. It was all about avoiding the talk right now. I was not yet ready to give up.

The next morning I was out of bed early, mostly because I had barely slept all night, constantly thinking how long I could go on like this. Avoiding Marty? Avoiding the truth? I didn't even bother to eat breakfast at the apartment. I would eat it at work. Paul greeted me cheerfully, just like always and I only smiled at him. I dropped my bag next to my desk and turned on my computer. It was just a normal day at work. The only difference was that I wanted it to be a long day. I didn't want to go home. Stephanie seemed to notice something was going on when she arrived at work, mainly because I was never early.

'Good morning,' she greeted with a forced smile. I also only smiled at her. I was afraid that when I opened my mouth to speak, I would tell everything, unable to stop. I didn't feel like sharing this. Stephanie wouldn't understand. She didn't know what it felt like. She didn't know how the threat of losing someone you love so much felt like. She was happy with Aaron. He didn't cheat on her. He didn't have a daughter with his ex, with whom he cheated on you. A daughter who you came to love dearly.

'Lisa, if you need to talk…' Stephanie stumbled. I sighed. It was already beginning. Stephanie started to see me as a victim instead of me.

* * *

><p>'This is my goodest pony,' Hope said proudly and she handed me the plastic toy. 'You can play with it. Hew name is Stawbewwy and she <em>loves<em> ice cweam!' I took the pink plastic pony and I forced a smile.

'Just like you,' I said and I pricked her in her belly, making her laugh. 'Ooh, I like that sound…can I get more laughs?' I continued pricking her and Hope's laughter became louder and louder. I moved on from pricking to tickling and Hope began to roll over the floor, trying to get away from my tickling hands. When I stopped, Hope had to catch her breath from all the laughing.

'You tickle monstew,' she laughed.

'I guess I am,' I laughed and I held my hands ready. Hope already started to laugh before I could touch her and she crouched away.

'No!' she laughed. 'No mowe tickling!'

'Okay, okay,' I said, holding my hands up in defense. 'Do you think we should get some ice cream? Strawberry seems hungry, don't you think?' Hope glanced at the pink pony and she nodded. We both got up and tiptoed to the fridge.

'You can't tell daddy,' I told the little girl, who started to giggle and I grabbed the can with chocolate ice cream. 'Can you grab two spoons?' Hope nodded and she tiptoed to the drawer to get the spoons. When we had spoons to eat the chocolate ice cream, we sat down on the couch, enjoying the delicious ice cream. Hope leaned against me and I couldn't help to wonder if having a child felt like this.

* * *

><p>Marty hadn't tried to talk to me. Simply because I stayed close to Hope all the time. Neither had he mentioned the disappearing can of chocolate ice cream even though he knew well enough that we had eaten it. I was reading a fairytale to Hope before she had to go to sleep when someone knocked on the door. We all looked up and Marty put the newspaper down before walked to the door. Hope pointed at the book and I continued reading with Hope cuddled up against me.<p>

'Oh…hey…Kens,' I heard Marty say from the hallway and I was surprised to hear that. Why was Kensi here? Hope was so focused on the story that she didn't even hear her mother's name. She only noticed her mother when Kensi walked into the living room.

'Mommy?' she asked sleepily and she slid of the couch to see her mother.

'Hey, sweetheart,' Kensi greeted her daughter and she gave Hope a kiss. I watched Kensi with Hope and Marty uncomfortably standing next to him. I saw the look Kensi gave Marty and I had a expectation of where this was going. She looked so angrily and hurt at him.

'I'll go…to…umm…take Monty for a walk,' I announced and I got up. 'Then you two can talk. Sweet dreams, Hope. I'll see you tomorrow.' Hope waved sleepily at me from her mother's arms and I quickly grabbed Monty's leash. 'Call me when you're finished.'

* * *

><p>I didn't go far. I let Monty walk over the parking space while I stayed at the front door, listening to what they would say to each other. At first I heard nothing for a long time and I figured they had taken Hope to bed first. But then I heard Kensi's voice.<p>

'You said you had made your choice,' she told him.

'You didn't need to come here for that!' Marty told her harshly. 'She doesn't need to be faced with you after I tell her!'

'But you said you would tell her, two days ago!' Kensi's voice became louder.

'I know but this isn't easy for me!' Marty said with the frustration clear in his voice. 'And she had to work today and yesterday Hope was with her all the time. Did you want me to tell it to her with Hope next to her? So that our daughter could hear it as well? Kens, I'm not telling her that we're moving. I'm telling her that I'm leaving her. She told me that I was her light in the dark. The one thing that kept her sane. That doesn't make it any easier to tell her. Nor does it that she and Hope are becoming closer. Hope thinks Lisa is her mommy number two! They care about each other.'

'We let this go on for too long,' Kensi said. 'We made this such a big mess.'

'That is what we do,' Marty replied. 'We always dance around each other, taking too long to admit our feelings to each other. We make a mess.' At that moment Monty seemed to have enough of his lonely adventure and he started to bark. Marty and Kensi stopped talking, probably thinking I had come back from the walk with the dog. I sighed and went to get Monty. On my way in, Kensi walked past me, giving me an awkward smile. I faced Marty and I knew it was time. Time to accept that it was over.

* * *

><p>The actually moment it was over, took another half an hour as I kept postponing to talk by needing to feed Monty, change into more comfortable clothes and so on. But after half an hour Marty stopped me from whatever I was doing.<p>

'Lisa, we need to talk,' he told me again, just like last evening, when I had walked away from him. But now I didn't have that opportunity. I needed to face the truth. After all I wanted to move on from the past. So I took a deep breath and looked Marty in the eyes.

'I already know,' I told him and he looked dumb folded at me.

'What?' he stumbled.

'I already know you're cheating on me with Kensi,' I told him and all Marty did was blink. He just blinked for several seconds. I bet he had planned telling me and me saying that I already knew was nothing like the possibilities he had in mind of how the conversation would go. It looked like his senses slowly came back.

'You knew?' he asked me and I nodded. 'How…why…what…why didn't you say…or do something? Why didn't you confront me?'

'Because I didn't want to be a second choice,' I told him. 'I knew that you would choose Kensi over me. She's special to you. I should have known…seen it coming…And maybe I wasn't ready to become a new me, without you. Also I knew that leaving you would mean leaving Hope.' Marty looked away when I mentioned his daughter.

'How did you know?' he asked me after a time of silence and he faced me again.

'I had a suspicion,' I answered. 'Stephanie saw the three of you and told me that you looked too much like a happy family…and I saw the way you looked at each other…then one day you weren't at your work when you told me you went to work…I took your phone that night, reading the texts you had sent to Kensi. But the confirmation had been when I came back from the visit to Beth. I bugged your phone and heard you and Kensi…' Marty stared in shock at me.

'You know that long?' he asked and I nodded. 'You bugged my phone?' Again I nodded and I saw a change in his eyes. They had turned angry. 'You needed to get prove? Why didn't you just face me? Why did you have to stalk me?' I let Marty rage. I knew I had been wrong in some way to bug his phone. But I just needed to know. I needed to know the truth, that I hadn't accepted until now. 'You heard what was said?'

'Yes,' I answered softly and ashamed, remembering what Kensi had said.

'And after that you acted like nothing had happened?' Marty asked, the volume of his voice rising. 'You kept pretending that everything was the same? And here I was, feeling sorry for treating you like that. You knew and you didn't care at all…' At that moment he went too far.

'You should be feeling sorry for treating me like that!' I shouted at him. 'You told me you loved me! That you wanted to be with me! Remember that day at the apartment when you told me about Hope? You weren't going to throw away our years together! You just wanted to be honest with me! Well, that honesty didn't take long, did it? When did you begin to fuck her? Two weeks after she was back? After Christmas? When, Marty? When did you start to throw away our years?' Before Marty could answer me, we heard a small voice.

'Daddy?'

* * *

><p>I stopped walking and looked at the suitcase I was dragging along. A few pieces of clothing were sticking out. I sighed and put the suitcase down. I had to put them back in properly before it started to rain or something like that. Looking at the clothes, I felt the rage again that I had felt while packing. As soon as Hope had walked into the living room, I had run towards the bedroom, grabbing my clothes and left that apartment.<p>

Now I was sitting here, packing my suitcase again, properly this time. I lost count of how many times Marty had tried to call me. All I knew that it was a lot of times. I sighed as it started to rain. Luckily I was almost there. I stood up and continued my walk, dragging the suitcase along.

'What the…Lisa?' Beth said confused when she opened the front door. I smiled awkwardly and Beth let me inside. She guided me to the kitchen where she made me a cup of tea. She looked at me. 'Lisa, why are you here, at three in the morning?'

'I left Marty,' I told her.

'I can see that,' she replied and I glared at her. Her eyes grew wider. 'Ooh, that kind of leave…what happened? I thought everything was going great between you?'

'He cheated on me,' I answered numbly. 'With Kensi, his ex.'

'What an asshole!' Beth cursed. 'And you just found out?' I shook my head. 'He just told you?' Again I shook my head.

'I knew,' I answered. 'For several weeks…but I couldn't let go…he was everything I had for four years…' For the first time that night the tears came.

'Oh, sweetie,' Beth said and she pulled me in a hug where I could let all the tears go. 'It's going to be okay. You can stay here as long as you want. I'm not letting you go back to LA. I'll tell Will to arrange everything with your stuff, that they are being sent here as soon as possible. I'll let him deal with Marty. You just relax and let me take care of you.' She stroked my hair gently and I remember how she had done that every time I was hurt. She was the one who had been there for me, always. Whatever happened, I now knew I would always have my sister.

**Now everyone knows. Now the story ends, only a epilogue left.**


	18. Chapter 19

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Epilogue_

_Maybe it's not about the happy ending_

_Maybe it's about the story_

The sun shines brightly and I take a deep breath, still enjoying every ray of sun. It has been two years since Marty and I were saved. But sometimes I feel like I'm still in that dark room, going through everything we went through. For those moments I have Pete. I love him so much. Going through his long golden hair is the best feeling. He runs towards me, happily and jumping at me. I stroke his back.

'Good boy,' I tell him and I try to get the ball but Pete is stubborn as always and doesn't want to let go. Though suddenly he does and runs away. I turn around to see what has gotten the dog's attention. I smile. It's little Hope with her parents. I haven't seen her in those two years. She has grown so much. I walk over to them, to get Pete back. Hope smiles at me and Kensi and Marty look shocked at me, for a moment.

'Hey, Lisa,' Marty then greets.

'Hey, Marty,' I reply. It feels awkward, standing here on the beach with the four of us. Hope pulls Marty's arm.

'Daddy, come play with me,' she begs. Marty smiles and he starts to tickle her. Hope screams and tries to get away, laughing. I smile when I see them play. Marty is still a great dad. Not that I expected anything else. He is a great man.

'Can I ask you something?' Kensi asks after a while of watching Marty and Hope play. I nod.

'Why did you give him up so easily?' she asks curiously. I look her in her eyes. A little smile finds its way to my lips.

'Because you're his Fern,' I answer her. 'And old habits die slowly.'

**The End**

**I hope you learned that not everything is as it seems at first. For the people who wanted a Densi story, and continued reading, got what they wanted. The people who gave up reading, gave up on a story that they wanted. It's their lost.**

**This was my plan for the story all along.**

**I'm thankful for everyone who stayed with the story, who enjoyed reading it, who took time to review, put it on alert or favorite it. You're all amazing!**


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